Saying yes...

Cheers, fish!

It's National Tequila Day! w00t!

 

EL showed me this...

It almost made me like them for a second...

Helping Jennifer

Testing, testing... is this thing on?? I used to be able to operate this blog in my sleep, and did, for years.

So, as a favor to Thundra, who did me a favor, I am putting up a post. You see, Thundra actually helped me... identify a speedra.

We've had a large speedra living in our porch light for at least the past month. YL kept commenting on how fast it was and how LARGE it was. Whenever I looked up, I only saw insect remnants and a spider that looked no larger than a nickel, which to me, is big, but not terrifying, at least from that distance.  I pointed it out one evening, pretty sure she'd say yes, that was it. When I did, she said, "Oh no, Mom. That's nothing, this spider is BIG! And FAST!" I hated that spider... but it was outside, so I resisted the urge to give the lamp a Silkwood shower and left it alone.

I'd look though... whenever I passed by... not sure if I wanted to see it or not. I looked, mainly to see if I could see it right before it attacked me. I'd look when I got out of the car. I looked when I walked by. I looked, especially when unlocking the front door. One day, when YL and I were returning home, I was unlocking the door, but was not looking at the lock. Instead, I was looking off to the right, at the light. Was the speedra going to attack when my hands were full?? This was when I felt the knob turn in my heads and I uttered a gutteral, "Uhhhhhhh, oh my GOD!" I heard EL on the other side of the door, laughing. "You thought I was the spider, didn't you??" Yes, yes, I did. Somehow it made sense. The evil speedra had gotten inside and was waiting to welcome me home... to my death.

One night, last week, I finally saw the legs. Holy mother of gawd... I did not want to see what was attached to those legs. I knew it was outside, and it was doing the good that spiders do, but still, it's getting colder. I did not want that spider deciding to let itself in. I thought again of hosing it out, but nature beat me to it. Ah yes, late yesterday afternoon, we had a powerful storm where it rained sideways. I didn't give the lamp much thought, but was more concerned about the doorframe I had just painted. After the storm passed, Grizzled went out to check on something and realized YL had left an umbrella on the porch. He opened it to let it dry out when he saw something on it...

THE SPEEDRA!!!

The rain had come down (or sideways) and washed the spider out... onto the umbrella... Grizzled shook it off away from the house, but I wanted to be sure it would not be stalking us... me... I emailed Thundra... asking for help. Heh.

At first Thundra thought it might be a wolf speedra (I was afraid of that), but after me mentioning that although it prefered to hide behind the portion of the lamp attached to the house, there was a web. Wolf Speedras don't do webs, m'ok? Thundra then figured out it was a grass speedra... a grass speedra which is more afraid of humans than this human is afraid of it.

These spiders are docile and non-aggressive. They will flee at the first sign of a threat and will not bite unless they feel threatened without an option to escape. (e.g. - Trying to pick the spider up).

Thundra suspected I would not be trying to pick it up. He was, and is, correct. 

Reading further, I read that this one was most likely a female as they tend to stay on the web... males on the other hand "...spend most of their adult life wandering in search of a mate. Shortly after mating, the male often dies." 

Heh! Sucks to suck!

And speaking of speedras in search of luv... I'm really glad I don't live in CA right now!

This song springs to mind... :)

Heed the Orb!!!

This is what happened...

... when someone in Russia tried to leave a comment at The Empire that included both "Celine" and "squirrel"...

<3

Release your inner-Barry!!!

 

And your inner-Marvin!!!

I think thou doth protest too much...

Someone, who shall remain unnamed, has sent me a pair of squirrel trou... apparently worried that my squirrels might freeze their nuts off. A strange action to take considering this person claims to HATE squirrels...

Needless to say, the squirrels thank you. Now I just have to figure out how to get them on the squirrel. My brother suggested soaking peanuts in whiskey...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update:

Scarring the children...

About a month or so ago, I was talking to EL about her father, back when I first met him. I honestly don't remember the entire conversation, but was mentioning the fact that he had a large mustache... except I said, "When I met your father, he had a huge porn-stache."

My daughters are used to me being frank and slightly irreverant at times... so when I saw the horror on her face, I was trying to figure out which line I had crossed. It had to be the use of the word porn, so I apologized. She said no, it was not that, but that I should listen to what what I had said, and not think of the spelling.

Dear. Lord.

This time the look of horror was on my face. No, I said.... no, no, no... your father did NOT have a huge porn stash...

This blog???

Pinko?? Delicious or Disgusting??

Perhaps they'd be better if they were encased in a hard candy shell... or, served between two slabs o' shicken (it's how the boy, whom I babysat for long ago, said it. "I want shicken and sheese!") Maybe if it was Gummi Pork Rectum. Rectum??? Damn near killed 'em! I digress... All I know is, my lamblets owe Uncle Pinko (a stranger who buys them candy) a DoD... in the meantime... discuss!

No discussing "bone-in rectums" allowed