Saying yes...

It feels like you should have known...

I had one of those days a number of months back... one of those days where you know you should probably just stay under the covers. I had a new painting class starting. Most of the usual suspects were going to be missing this session due to travel or health issues. Actually, we were all supposed to be missing this session since the newer powers that be had held hard and fast to the "must meet minimums for a class to run" rule. I had warned and warned some more... class was not going to happen as we were only going to have 5 people. I wasn't that worried, knowing enrollment would pick up for future sessions. I was actually looking forward to a break. I needed some extra freedom in my schedule due to other things in my life that needed my attention... but then my boss did something insane and decided to run the class... with two people, one of whom would not be able to make it due to a bad reaction to anesthesia. I had told my boss I needed the break, but no... she decided I'd be doing a lesson for one. While the person who came to class was wonderful... she really didn't want any painting instruction. It was going to be a long 6 weeks.

Anyhow, that first day, I realized I had no clean painting clothes. No problem, I had time to do a fast, small load... it was just the washer decided to stop, not once, but twice. Same for the dryer. By the time I finally got things washed, the dryer would not stay on. These are relatively new machines. It was bizarre. 4 hours later, I managed to have a damp pair of painting clothes to wear. I went to load up the car when my dogs decided jumping up on the door would be a good idea thus shutting it. Of course the door was locked. Of course the emergency key was not in its spot. Of course my house keys were inside, in my purse, with my phone, and my car fob. Of course it was starting to rain. I ditched my uber-heavy painting bag on the patio and hoofed it to work, luckily having my work key in my coat pocket. I also knew YL would get home before me, so she'd have her keys... I'd get back inside. I just didn't think of what it would look like to her when she got home. There'd be my purse, phone, keys, etc, on the table, and my painting bag on the patio, car in the driveway,  but no me! I came home to find a tearful YL on the phone with her father telling him I'd been kidnapped.

The day had other weirdness, but I'll briefly summarize the ending by saying the father we always joked about being a perv, was actually arrested for being a perv. All attention went to news stories about that.

Flash forward to the present. Grizzled and I had been commenting off and on how we had not heard from a longtime friend for a while. She hadn't returned my email... her landline was disconnected... not that odd as her cellphone was still taking messages, but none were returned. She was a lone wolf type so it wasn't unusual to not hear from her for a few months. Still, something wasn't sitting right. I finally remembered to enter her middle initial into a google search the other day and found out she'd been killed in a car/pedestrian accident... almost 4 months ago, on that totally messed up day. Had it not been for all of the perv news, we would have heard about the accident, would have known it was right by her place, and would have thought to check on her sooner, but we missed it. It feels so wrong to have known someone for 25 years and that they can die and you don't know it. I feel neglectful even though I know I've done nothing wrong... it's just the way it is. In this world of hyper-connectivity, we still have our space. It's a blessing and a curse. Still, I wonder, were my washer and dryer trying to tell me? Were the dogs trying to tell me? Was the universe trying to tell me?? "Hey! This day is fucked because your friend was killed this morning! Pay attention!"

Most of us don't blog anymore, or at least not like we did... and even when we were checking in daily, I always remember thinking, we were connected, but we weren't really a part of a family/friend phone tree. People could die and we'd never know... not unless we hit it lucky with a morbid google search. It seems wrong. For all of our advancements over the centuries, it seems like we should have invented a way to let people know, but no, we're not much better off than we were a hundred or more years ago when people would move to far away locales and who knew if you'd ever hear from them again... Still, it seems like we should know.

RIP Maureen.

FYI

I imagined them being smaller... like maybe malted egg-sized...

Helping Jennifer

Testing, testing... is this thing on?? I used to be able to operate this blog in my sleep, and did, for years.

So, as a favor to Thundra, who did me a favor, I am putting up a post. You see, Thundra actually helped me... identify a speedra.

We've had a large speedra living in our porch light for at least the past month. YL kept commenting on how fast it was and how LARGE it was. Whenever I looked up, I only saw insect remnants and a spider that looked no larger than a nickel, which to me, is big, but not terrifying, at least from that distance.  I pointed it out one evening, pretty sure she'd say yes, that was it. When I did, she said, "Oh no, Mom. That's nothing, this spider is BIG! And FAST!" I hated that spider... but it was outside, so I resisted the urge to give the lamp a Silkwood shower and left it alone.

I'd look though... whenever I passed by... not sure if I wanted to see it or not. I looked, mainly to see if I could see it right before it attacked me. I'd look when I got out of the car. I looked when I walked by. I looked, especially when unlocking the front door. One day, when YL and I were returning home, I was unlocking the door, but was not looking at the lock. Instead, I was looking off to the right, at the light. Was the speedra going to attack when my hands were full?? This was when I felt the knob turn in my heads and I uttered a gutteral, "Uhhhhhhh, oh my GOD!" I heard EL on the other side of the door, laughing. "You thought I was the spider, didn't you??" Yes, yes, I did. Somehow it made sense. The evil speedra had gotten inside and was waiting to welcome me home... to my death.

One night, last week, I finally saw the legs. Holy mother of gawd... I did not want to see what was attached to those legs. I knew it was outside, and it was doing the good that spiders do, but still, it's getting colder. I did not want that spider deciding to let itself in. I thought again of hosing it out, but nature beat me to it. Ah yes, late yesterday afternoon, we had a powerful storm where it rained sideways. I didn't give the lamp much thought, but was more concerned about the doorframe I had just painted. After the storm passed, Grizzled went out to check on something and realized YL had left an umbrella on the porch. He opened it to let it dry out when he saw something on it...

THE SPEEDRA!!!

The rain had come down (or sideways) and washed the spider out... onto the umbrella... Grizzled shook it off away from the house, but I wanted to be sure it would not be stalking us... me... I emailed Thundra... asking for help. Heh.

At first Thundra thought it might be a wolf speedra (I was afraid of that), but after me mentioning that although it prefered to hide behind the portion of the lamp attached to the house, there was a web. Wolf Speedras don't do webs, m'ok? Thundra then figured out it was a grass speedra... a grass speedra which is more afraid of humans than this human is afraid of it.

These spiders are docile and non-aggressive. They will flee at the first sign of a threat and will not bite unless they feel threatened without an option to escape. (e.g. - Trying to pick the spider up).

Thundra suspected I would not be trying to pick it up. He was, and is, correct. 

Reading further, I read that this one was most likely a female as they tend to stay on the web... males on the other hand "...spend most of their adult life wandering in search of a mate. Shortly after mating, the male often dies." 

Heh! Sucks to suck!

And speaking of speedras in search of luv... I'm really glad I don't live in CA right now!

This song springs to mind... :)

There's always room for Jell-O

Explorations in reflections continues... Notes to self for next time: Need stiffer Jell-O... need different lighting. If my hazy memory recalls, stiffer jello can be made by adding some Knox to the Jell-O mix.

Slaying the dragon...

Or killing two birds with one stone, or slaying two dragons with one bird... whatever. All I know is, this past weekend, I surmounted two mental/physical challenges all at the same time.

The first one?? I started over on a painting I had wanted to do nearly 2 years ago, but SUCKED at... You can revisit the suckage here, however there will be no photographic proof of the suckage as I'd be ashamed to show it, even if the level of suckage is funny. I'm happy to say, this one is going much better and is almost finished. I need to do a few things including tweak the fork. I wonder if Urban Dictionary has a definition for tweaking the fork, and if so... what would it be?

The second one?? I ventured into the world of water miscible oil paints. I have resisted... they weren't "real", they weren't legit. Also, I was worried they'd handle like shit. I'd seen a couple of people use them and struggle with them, but then realized the people were new to painting and probably would have struggled with regular oils. Also, since I had someone in class who was using them, I figured it would be good for me to know how they handled so I could better help her. Anyhow, I received some during the holidays and finally broke them out to give them a try.

The verdict?? They're funky in ways, but otherwise, not bad... The big bonus is my sinuses and lungs don't hate me for trying to poison them. I'll use them... especially when the house is closed up and I can't vent as well as I should.

 

Observation of the day...

Sometimes creativity feels like a slow dance, and other times, it feels like a mosh pit...

As I've said before, I'm not really a car person...

If you'd like, you can read about my quirks here... I'm not oblivious to car stuff, but it does not rule my world or determine my worth. My car quirks though?? What makes me like or not like a car? Well, they can be frustrating to someone who is a car person, or who is actually looking at the facts about what might make a car worth having...

This past Saturday, Grizzled pleaded with me to look at a couple of cars with him. I acquiesced. I put on my best "go with the flow" face and went along. One car he wanted to see in person was the Chevy Volt. I was fine with that. I was fine with everything he had read about it and everything that the overly-attentive car salesman discussed. I was fine until we got into the car and I looked at one of the instrument panels. It was white.

It bothered me.

I stayed quiet... knowing this was one of those "quirks". A white instrument panel was not going to have an affect on the workings of the car. I tried to ignore it, but still... it bothered me... it reminded me of something that didn't belong in a car... but a lot of things don't belong in a car and yet don't bring me down. This was bringing me down...

And then it hit me... it looked like the control panel on a washer or dryer! Who in the heck wants to spend 35K on a car and think of all of the laundry you "forgot" to do because you hate doing laundry?? I realize that cars and washer/dryers are about function, but I don't want my car reminding me of laundry. I would, however, do laundry in a machine that looked like a car...

On the way home, I confessed... Grizzled just shook his head and then thanked me for not saying this outloud to the salesman.

After we got home, I checked, it comes in a more subdued and "car-looking" black/taupe/gray/whatever.

I was never that fond of these...

Until I made one... and no, I'm not talking about children.

Voila... my paperweight. :)

Words of Wisdom: EL Edition

EL told me about a site she saw... "Snacks You'll Never Eat Again", except I thought she said Snags... after telling her this, she said, "Mom, people don't eat Snags, they're sentient beings... although I think if one would, they would taste of bourbon and bacon."

The next one?? A lesson she said she learned back in middle school. "No matter how clean cut, rational, or correct my argument may be doesn’t mean I automatically win. All arguments can be promptly ended and lost by someone uttering the words, Jesus Christ or God." I was tempted to add, or the Second Amendment.

Is it still brain-drain if you're aware it's happening?

I got back into town late Saturday afternoon. I was relieved to be back amongst my own family unit and was happy to feel like a grown-up again instead of the youngest. It doesn't matter how old you are, when in certain settings, you fall into line with your birth order. I'm surprised I didn't break out with acne while gone.

Anyhow, I got back and was pretty much a waste product. I was looking forward to doing nothing but the the crossword puzzle on Sunday when I remembered that Grizzled had signed us up for a glass class. Working with glass was always something that called to him, and a number of months back, he convinced me to go to a class with him. It was not something I ever felt the need to do, but hey... he was asking, and I wanted him to do it. I'm so glad we went.

It was just Grizzled, me and a very wonderful, knowlegable instructor. Since we were working with ovens that were cranking out 2400 degree heat and were going to be carrying around rods with molten glass, we had to focus. We had to really focus. There was no time for imaginary scenarios going around in your head... no time for judgment, no time for anything other than making sure you kept that rod spinning in your hand and doing what you needed to do to that molten blob of glass... at some point after my "second gather", while fusing my colored glass in what was called the "glory hole" (our instructor made the jokes, filthbot did not need to), I realized my mind was completely silent. I had experienced brain-drain, and I felt peace. Even though my mind acknowledged this, it couldn't stay on it for too long as I had to move to the next station, had to keep moving and doing, intensly focusing on the task at hand...

We pick up our paperweights sometime at the end of the week... they spend a fair amount of time in the annealing oven and then have to have their bases polished. They were so hot when we last saw them, I'm not even sure how they'll look. I don't even care. The process would have been worth it had we gotten nothing to take home. The brain-drain was definitely worth it.

When we left, the instructor asked if we'd be interested in doing more. He said it was addictive. Oh, I'm sure it is. I could already tell it was one of those things where once you got the feel, you had to go back to see if you could do it again, and then try this and try that. I'm not sure I need to do glass though. I kind of hope Grizzled does, but I know I need to do something that's hard... well, maybe not hard, but truly challenging... not something you know you'll be good at if you just give it a whirl, but something completely new... something that takes all of your focus and is also a little bit scary. I think the part that was most addictive for me was the brain-drain.