Saying yes...

Cheers, fish!

It's National Tequila Day! w00t!

 

Helping Jennifer

Testing, testing... is this thing on?? I used to be able to operate this blog in my sleep, and did, for years.

So, as a favor to Thundra, who did me a favor, I am putting up a post. You see, Thundra actually helped me... identify a speedra.

We've had a large speedra living in our porch light for at least the past month. YL kept commenting on how fast it was and how LARGE it was. Whenever I looked up, I only saw insect remnants and a spider that looked no larger than a nickel, which to me, is big, but not terrifying, at least from that distance.  I pointed it out one evening, pretty sure she'd say yes, that was it. When I did, she said, "Oh no, Mom. That's nothing, this spider is BIG! And FAST!" I hated that spider... but it was outside, so I resisted the urge to give the lamp a Silkwood shower and left it alone.

I'd look though... whenever I passed by... not sure if I wanted to see it or not. I looked, mainly to see if I could see it right before it attacked me. I'd look when I got out of the car. I looked when I walked by. I looked, especially when unlocking the front door. One day, when YL and I were returning home, I was unlocking the door, but was not looking at the lock. Instead, I was looking off to the right, at the light. Was the speedra going to attack when my hands were full?? This was when I felt the knob turn in my heads and I uttered a gutteral, "Uhhhhhhh, oh my GOD!" I heard EL on the other side of the door, laughing. "You thought I was the spider, didn't you??" Yes, yes, I did. Somehow it made sense. The evil speedra had gotten inside and was waiting to welcome me home... to my death.

One night, last week, I finally saw the legs. Holy mother of gawd... I did not want to see what was attached to those legs. I knew it was outside, and it was doing the good that spiders do, but still, it's getting colder. I did not want that spider deciding to let itself in. I thought again of hosing it out, but nature beat me to it. Ah yes, late yesterday afternoon, we had a powerful storm where it rained sideways. I didn't give the lamp much thought, but was more concerned about the doorframe I had just painted. After the storm passed, Grizzled went out to check on something and realized YL had left an umbrella on the porch. He opened it to let it dry out when he saw something on it...

THE SPEEDRA!!!

The rain had come down (or sideways) and washed the spider out... onto the umbrella... Grizzled shook it off away from the house, but I wanted to be sure it would not be stalking us... me... I emailed Thundra... asking for help. Heh.

At first Thundra thought it might be a wolf speedra (I was afraid of that), but after me mentioning that although it prefered to hide behind the portion of the lamp attached to the house, there was a web. Wolf Speedras don't do webs, m'ok? Thundra then figured out it was a grass speedra... a grass speedra which is more afraid of humans than this human is afraid of it.

These spiders are docile and non-aggressive. They will flee at the first sign of a threat and will not bite unless they feel threatened without an option to escape. (e.g. - Trying to pick the spider up).

Thundra suspected I would not be trying to pick it up. He was, and is, correct. 

Reading further, I read that this one was most likely a female as they tend to stay on the web... males on the other hand "...spend most of their adult life wandering in search of a mate. Shortly after mating, the male often dies." 

Heh! Sucks to suck!

And speaking of speedras in search of luv... I'm really glad I don't live in CA right now!

This song springs to mind... :)

There's always room for Jell-O

Explorations in reflections continues... Notes to self for next time: Need stiffer Jell-O... need different lighting. If my hazy memory recalls, stiffer jello can be made by adding some Knox to the Jell-O mix.

Canadian Shame

Why should the USA be alone in hanging its head in shame? Hmmm? Our neighbors to the north have their own reasons... wrapped in scary, pelvic-thrusting, saggy pleather. Enjoying that smoothie NOW, Laura?? Hmmm???

This blog is over its limit for pleather postings... if it disappears, oh well...

 

Parts is Parts...

Stop reading if female parts scare you...

Laura's and fish's posts, as well as political discourse, has brought back memories... memories of being a young, single woman in the city... with a very dismal and unreliable paycheck. I believe I was working freelance jobs along with two part-time jobs... but still, paying for medical care was an issue, so I went to one of the Planned Parenthood-inspired places. It was not officially PP, but was basically the same deal. You paid for what you could, and most prices were reasonable.

Even though we were well into the latter half of the 80's, this place was right out of the 70's. Lots of ferns, lots of paneling, lots of Free to Be... You and Me stuff on the walls. I was fine with FTB...YAM, but did not necessarily want it every time I went for a check-up. It got even worse once I had to go a little more often. You see, you could not get your beloved birth control pills if your blood pressure was too high. I am notorious for having low blood pressure, but when in this place, with all of the questions, all of the doubtful looks, mine would shoot sky-high.

"We'll give you a month's worth of birth control pills, but you  must come back and prove you're BP is ok!"

Before these visits I would chant... think of dolphins, think of dolphins, think of dolphins...

But when they'd come in to check me out and would ask something that merited a smart-ass answer, with me giving it, and them taking me seriously, my BP would shoot sky high. I knew the drill... take the woman, who may or may not be abused, to a dark room... and let her think of dolphins for 10 minutes. Test again.

Most of the time I could chill, and the Rx was mine.

There was one time though that 3 women came into the room and suggested it was time to get to know my body.

Huh?? I was in my 20's! I knew my body?? What do you mean?? Know my body??

They produced a plastic speculum and a mirror... I kid you not. I scanned the ferns for hidden cameras...

They told me no women truly owns herself until she can examine herself... see the beauty of her cervix. I told them I was fine with a hidden cervix. My cervix was doing what it needed to do and I also trusted the professionals who checked it out...

They took this 'no' as an issue. I was like, "No, you don't get it... I was raised by a very down to earth mother who was nurse and called a spade a spade. Sure, my father might have been a little squeamish about the workings of daughterly parts, but Mom was fully on board with open discussion. I don't have issues... in fact, I'd like to use my parts with the man I love, the man who doesn't beat me, the man who accepts me as I am... while I myself am accepting me as I am... OK?? Take the Pap test and let me be on my way!"

But they insisted... which I felt was incredibly wrong, but hey... I was at peace with my parts, and as I mentioned, wanted to freely use my parts, so I did it. Woo-hoo! Look at my cervix! Woo-hoo! Yay! It looks like... a cervix... Can I go now???

They tried to give me a speculum to take home, but I think I shocked them when I said I preferred the flesh variety. Fortunately, soon after, I got insurance and was able to go to a Dr, who never once suggested I get in touch with my cervix... a Dr who seemed to understand that I was hip to my stuff... but relied on a professional to look up under my chassis.

(Heh... when I go to add a link to type up above, TypePad says, "Insert Link"... See?? These are the kind of thoughts that got me into trouble at the Women's place!)

I forgot... it's still February in Chicago...

What was waiting for me at the train station...

I wish I had had a better camera other than just my cell phone, but the thing was so ENORMOUS, it almost didn't matter. I could see the entire arc. I'm surprised I didn't crash the car. I was making the turn by fish's favorite color-scheme bushes when BLAMMO!!!

RAINBOW!!!! And in case you didn't quite see it... it turned itself up to 11.

What we discovered on our memory card...

...that we forgot was there...

I have a bad habit of not downloading every photo I've taken so looking at my memory card does indeed bring back memories... even if I don't fully remember taking the photos. Maybe I didn't take this. Maybe something more sinister did. I'm guessing there's a big ol' head o' lettuce behind the camera... reveling in the emergence of its creation!

SINK LETTUCE LIVES!

 

The Cherry on My Summer O' Crap Sundae

You get 7 inches of rain in two hours during the middle of the night... finish the scenario.

Bonus points for extra laughs. These supposedly once in a lifetime weather events that seem to happen once every 6-18 months are getting old.

Summer Blogging in One Post!

Garden. Garden. Flower. Butterfly. Fucking rain! Dog. Dog. Dog. Lake. Grizzled. Garden. Lamblet. Lamblet. Lamblet. Driver's Ed. AHHHHHHH! Lamblet. Hot! Too chilly! Wet! Where's the rain?!?! FUN!!! Woo-HOO!! Grrrr! WTF?? Still can't access any of ZRM's many blogs... 3B's! What contest?! Garden. Garden. Painting. Painting. Grrrr. Life is good. WTF??? Dick joke. Dick joke. Thought-provoking post. Dick joke. Garden. Animules. Painting! Grrrr... painting!!@!1 FRUSTRATION! In the zone. Fireflies!! Ah, summer smell. Butterflies! Orbs!!! Orbflies!! Thundra. Von. LOL! Garden. Dogs. Frustration. Satisfaction. Good. Bad. Love everyone. Hate everyone. Weeds. WEEDS! BG!! Lake. Reading. Thinking. Anniversary. Snag. Birthday. Cicadas. School? Already?