Saying yes...

Sinus medicine stream of consciousness....

I've been waylaid over the past 36 hours by sinus pain of the gods. I haven't had it like this in a while, but blame record level pollen and a weather roller coaster that soars into the 90's only to plunge into the low 40's... high pressure, low pressure, high pressure, low pressure. My head gave up and so did I. I took lot of sinus medicine, something I don't really like to do, and crawled to my bed... trying to read, trying to sleep, trying to watch some TV. I've had some interesting conversations with myself. A few one-sided ones with the dogs, who were more than happy to share bed space in the middle of the day! I don't know if they get sinus headaches. If they do, they're better at managing the really bad ones than I am. I can't wag my tail and a smile hurts. I also wonder if a dog can be in a bad mood. Sure, they can be angry, they can be scared, but they don't hold grudges, they don't spew crap, they just are what they are... usually fuzzy bundles of goodness... happy for whatever is in front of them whether it's a ball, a favorite human, a fallen piece of food, a scent on the grass, or a whole scenery of scent blowing in the window. I had the window cracked for a bit, thinking fresh air might help my head, and I loved watching the dogs catch a whiff of what was going on out there. You could see them actually catagorizing it all. It was like they were watching a movie with their noses... I wanted to see a printout of every little molecule they were deciphering and what it meant to them. OK, I was actually jealous of their ability to inhale large quantities of air without pain...

After 40-some years of living with dogs, I am still amazed at their ability to just be. This is who I am (I know... what I am... but to me, they're a who) take me or leave me. I will not change my hair, I will not change my size, I will not bark like a different breed, I will not even think about how I stack up against a different breed. I will just be, and I will revel in it. You can enter me into competitions that tell me if I'm superior or not, but that's for you. It doesn't mean a thing to me. I will just be happy here... going along for the ride that is life. Scratch my rump and I'll be even happier.

People have said it in many different ways, but I'll say it again... it'd be a happier world if we took a few more lessons from dogs. I should take a lesson and be happy where I am... and I kind of am... I'm getting to spend bonus time in my island of a bed, but I mean where I live... not the people I live with. I love and like them, but the damn place where I live. The place that seems to have a pole stuck up it's ass and demands that you do the same if you want to fit in.

I wonder how many people are naturally happy with a pole stuck up their ass. Really. I mean it. How many people chose that? I know I have met some people who were definitely born with an inserted pole and they seem happy that way. More power to them... but the rest of us?? At some point we buy into the fact that we're supposed to have one, and if we don't actually have one, by gawd, you'd better act like it. Don't act as if you can move freely about your world, reveling in your choices... no... follow some strict "pole up your ass" code. It will make everyone happier... or does it?

I feel like I am surrounded by a sea of discontent... people think they're kind of happy, but they're not. They're just trying to do what they think is expected of them and then find out that usually bites them in the ass as well. Do what your parents say, do what your school says, do what your peers expect, do what the village code demands, do what your boss demands... remember, if it's wet and it's not yours... don't touch it... I'm tired of it. What's going to happen if we didn't volunteer to stick that pole up our asses?? I'm guessing not much, but I think everyone would be happier. Everyone would be happier if they weren't spending so much time wondering if they've got the right car in the driveway or if they're asked to the right parties, or worrying that they've got the damn clover out of their yard... and they probably wouldn't worry about spending a sick day or two in bed... hanging out with the dogs... the dogs who have no poles up their asses and are so at ease with themselves that they'll crap on your lawn, even if someone is watching.

No... I don't want to crap on the lawn... but maybe I'd like to metaphorically crap on the lawn a little bit more than I do. Things seemed screwed up these days, on any number of levels... I think we'd be a little better of if we removed the poles from our asses and let the country go to the dogs.

I'm going back to sleep.

 

Dream Art Studio: Update Edition

I recently described my dream studio

... but I'm always tweaking, always rehabbing. I realized, my dream studio would need this app:

I would like to be able to push a button and all of the things I'll never need again, will never use, will never think of, will just be GONE! No sorting, no wondering, no pulling out some ancient box of whatevers and thinking, "WILL I EVER NEED THESE WHATEVERS EVER AGAIN!?!?"

If I ask my mind that, my mind will suddenly go to the millions of ways I might need these things, all of the ways I could use them. Best to keep it JUST IN CASE!

However, I'm finding that I have shelves full of "Just in Case"... when I really need to use those shelves for "What I'm Doing Now!" I would allow myself a shelf for the near future and a shelf for just in case, but my shelf is turning into a closet of "Just in Case".

I want to not have to even look at things I'll never use again because if I look, I might wonder... And it would also have to be things the lamblets would never use, because they're creative sorts and love to have access to a random smattering of things. Even if I don't want something, I might keep it for them.

Of course, my dream studio would also have that, "Exactly What You Need Right Now" closet... which would hold what I needed, whether I knew it or not. It would hold whatever anyone needed. Whoever opened the door would see only what they needed.

I would also like my dream studio to have the "This is exactly what you need to eat right now" fridge... which when I opened it, would have the perfect meal, ready to go... full of whatever nutrients my bod was lacking at that time... and not full of things that would give me hives, go directly to my butt, phlegm-up my sinuses, etc, etc. (My stomach just typed this one. It's lunchtime, and I'm hungry).

I am once again trying to clear out my office/studio space so it's not full of ghosts of abandoned projects from the past or monsters from the imagined future. I need it to be a place of focus, of clarity, of ease. I think I'm going to invent a drawing table/easel/line of sketchbooks that have blinders on them so you can't see anything but what you're working on... No, even better,  you can't think of anything, but what you're working on.

I have three areas I need to be able to devote my space and thoughts to (not necessarily in order of importance):

1) Class-planning

2) Finishing work I've promised

3) Getting 3 specific projects to their next level of development.

I need to get distractions out of my way. I need to make space for what's going on now. That eject button for things I never need to think about again would sure come in handy.

Strange times...

For BG: Blah is Blah!