It feels like you should have known...

I had one of those days a number of months back... one of those days where you know you should probably just stay under the covers. I had a new painting class starting. Most of the usual suspects were going to be missing this session due to travel or health issues. Actually, we were all supposed to be missing this session since the newer powers that be had held hard and fast to the "must meet minimums for a class to run" rule. I had warned and warned some more... class was not going to happen as we were only going to have 5 people. I wasn't that worried, knowing enrollment would pick up for future sessions. I was actually looking forward to a break. I needed some extra freedom in my schedule due to other things in my life that needed my attention... but then my boss did something insane and decided to run the class... with two people, one of whom would not be able to make it due to a bad reaction to anesthesia. I had told my boss I needed the break, but no... she decided I'd be doing a lesson for one. While the person who came to class was wonderful... she really didn't want any painting instruction. It was going to be a long 6 weeks.

Anyhow, that first day, I realized I had no clean painting clothes. No problem, I had time to do a fast, small load... it was just the washer decided to stop, not once, but twice. Same for the dryer. By the time I finally got things washed, the dryer would not stay on. These are relatively new machines. It was bizarre. 4 hours later, I managed to have a damp pair of painting clothes to wear. I went to load up the car when my dogs decided jumping up on the door would be a good idea thus shutting it. Of course the door was locked. Of course the emergency key was not in its spot. Of course my house keys were inside, in my purse, with my phone, and my car fob. Of course it was starting to rain. I ditched my uber-heavy painting bag on the patio and hoofed it to work, luckily having my work key in my coat pocket. I also knew YL would get home before me, so she'd have her keys... I'd get back inside. I just didn't think of what it would look like to her when she got home. There'd be my purse, phone, keys, etc, on the table, and my painting bag on the patio, car in the driveway,  but no me! I came home to find a tearful YL on the phone with her father telling him I'd been kidnapped.

The day had other weirdness, but I'll briefly summarize the ending by saying the father we always joked about being a perv, was actually arrested for being a perv. All attention went to news stories about that.

Flash forward to the present. Grizzled and I had been commenting off and on how we had not heard from a longtime friend for a while. She hadn't returned my email... her landline was disconnected... not that odd as her cellphone was still taking messages, but none were returned. She was a lone wolf type so it wasn't unusual to not hear from her for a few months. Still, something wasn't sitting right. I finally remembered to enter her middle initial into a google search the other day and found out she'd been killed in a car/pedestrian accident... almost 4 months ago, on that totally messed up day. Had it not been for all of the perv news, we would have heard about the accident, would have known it was right by her place, and would have thought to check on her sooner, but we missed it. It feels so wrong to have known someone for 25 years and that they can die and you don't know it. I feel neglectful even though I know I've done nothing wrong... it's just the way it is. In this world of hyper-connectivity, we still have our space. It's a blessing and a curse. Still, I wonder, were my washer and dryer trying to tell me? Were the dogs trying to tell me? Was the universe trying to tell me?? "Hey! This day is fucked because your friend was killed this morning! Pay attention!"

Most of us don't blog anymore, or at least not like we did... and even when we were checking in daily, I always remember thinking, we were connected, but we weren't really a part of a family/friend phone tree. People could die and we'd never know... not unless we hit it lucky with a morbid google search. It seems wrong. For all of our advancements over the centuries, it seems like we should have invented a way to let people know, but no, we're not much better off than we were a hundred or more years ago when people would move to far away locales and who knew if you'd ever hear from them again... Still, it seems like we should know.

RIP Maureen.

Comments

[blue girl]

Oh, Jennifer. I'm so sorry for your loss!

[Jennifer]

I feel like I should do a preemptive "I'm sorry you died!" for everyone on the blogroll...

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

My condolences to you and Maureen, Jennifer.

Here's a pic to cheer you up.

There are BIG MICE on the deck!
~

[herr doktor bimler]

Yay! Jennifer's not dead yet!
(or she was kidnapped a few months ago and her kidnappers are uploading posts as a way of concealing their crime).

[Pinko Punko]

I'm so sorry :(

My dad just told me similar about his friend for 40 years. Now we think we are uber connected but we are not. I need to put in my will for someone to post about demise on the various services.

[Jennifer]

Those are enormous mice, thundra! I can't even imagine how much cheese they eat!

Yes, hdb... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Qth8xNZvVM

Dear Lord... I've not blogged in so long, I've forgotten my rudimentary html code!

Yes Pinko, please put something down somewhere!

[zombie rotten mcdonald (of the Sunnybrook ICU rottens)]

Sorry to hear that. I know how it feels....

Remember Dusty, who many of us used to get in TERRIBLE arguments with on my blog? She and mikey in particular had a frictional relationship.

Her blog went dark a while back, and there wasn't much followup that I could do. But through Facebook, someone took her page and let us know.... The story was appalling, horrifying and tragic, and if you are really interested, you can find the sad sad tale on the Empire. But be warned, it is very bad. I say that as a zombie...

...also, in the interim, I have changed browsers and blogging software, so I hardly use html anymore as well. No time, no time...I say that with more emphasis these days....

Again, sorry for your fiend.

[Daveminnj]

Geez,I'm sorry- that's a sad story, Jennifer.
All we can do is do our best. Sometimes
that isn't enough to cover.
Missed your blog.