.jpg)
Stop reading if female parts scare you...
Laura's and fish's posts, as well as political discourse, has brought back memories... memories of being a young, single woman in the city... with a very dismal and unreliable paycheck. I believe I was working freelance jobs along with two part-time jobs... but still, paying for medical care was an issue, so I went to one of the Planned Parenthood-inspired places. It was not officially PP, but was basically the same deal. You paid for what you could, and most prices were reasonable.
Even though we were well into the latter half of the 80's, this place was right out of the 70's. Lots of ferns, lots of paneling, lots of Free to Be... You and Me stuff on the walls. I was fine with FTB...YAM, but did not necessarily want it every time I went for a check-up. It got even worse once I had to go a little more often. You see, you could not get your beloved birth control pills if your blood pressure was too high. I am notorious for having low blood pressure, but when in this place, with all of the questions, all of the doubtful looks, mine would shoot sky-high.
"We'll give you a month's worth of birth control pills, but you must come back and prove you're BP is ok!"
Before these visits I would chant... think of dolphins, think of dolphins, think of dolphins...
But when they'd come in to check me out and would ask something that merited a smart-ass answer, with me giving it, and them taking me seriously, my BP would shoot sky high. I knew the drill... take the woman, who may or may not be abused, to a dark room... and let her think of dolphins for 10 minutes. Test again.
Most of the time I could chill, and the Rx was mine.
There was one time though that 3 women came into the room and suggested it was time to get to know my body.
Huh?? I was in my 20's! I knew my body?? What do you mean?? Know my body??
They produced a plastic speculum and a mirror... I kid you not. I scanned the ferns for hidden cameras...
They told me no women truly owns herself until she can examine herself... see the beauty of her cervix. I told them I was fine with a hidden cervix. My cervix was doing what it needed to do and I also trusted the professionals who checked it out...
They took this 'no' as an issue. I was like, "No, you don't get it... I was raised by a very down to earth mother who was nurse and called a spade a spade. Sure, my father might have been a little squeamish about the workings of daughterly parts, but Mom was fully on board with open discussion. I don't have issues... in fact, I'd like to use my parts with the man I love, the man who doesn't beat me, the man who accepts me as I am... while I myself am accepting me as I am... OK?? Take the Pap test and let me be on my way!"
But they insisted... which I felt was incredibly wrong, but hey... I was at peace with my parts, and as I mentioned, wanted to freely use my parts, so I did it. Woo-hoo! Look at my cervix! Woo-hoo! Yay! It looks like... a cervix... Can I go now???
They tried to give me a speculum to take home, but I think I shocked them when I said I preferred the flesh variety. Fortunately, soon after, I got insurance and was able to go to a Dr, who never once suggested I get in touch with my cervix... a Dr who seemed to understand that I was hip to my stuff... but relied on a professional to look up under my chassis.
(Heh... when I go to add a link to type up above, TypePad says, "Insert Link"... See?? These are the kind of thoughts that got me into trouble at the Women's place!)
Yeah, I am pretty much not interested in the "get to know your prostate" talk either.
Posted by: fish | April 25, 2012 at 04:46 PM
I would have died on the spot had anyone ever suggested I check out my cervix! I didn't even know that it was possible for me TO see it!!!
LOL! I cannot believe that me and my boyfriend fish inspired this post... ;P
((Hugs))
Laura
P.S. I just had the "smells like fish" thought go through my head after I typed in his name.... Uggh.
Posted by: Laura Chiaramida | April 25, 2012 at 05:09 PM
In order to "see it"... you need mirrors, and lighting... and flexibility... :)
Yes, you and your BF fish inspired it. Cold-blooded lust!
P.S. I just had the "smells like fish" thought go through my head after I typed in his name.... Uggh.
And the blind man said, "Evening, ladies!"
Yes, we're all going to hell.
Posted by: Jennifer | April 25, 2012 at 05:12 PM
And to think fish, fish!, of all not people, is blaming moi for ruining something.
~
Posted by: ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© | April 25, 2012 at 05:25 PM
I guess thudner (can I still call him that or has it been kidnapped by the other side?) will be having nightmares tonight... heh...
Sleep well!
Posted by: Jennifer | April 25, 2012 at 05:48 PM
Yeah, I am pretty much not interested in the "get to know your prostate" talk either.
Get to know your colon!
Posted by: herr doktor bimler | April 25, 2012 at 06:21 PM
Here's bimler with the butterfly talk.
~
Posted by: ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© | April 25, 2012 at 06:52 PM
It turns out that when helpful male friends want me to get to know my prostate that it's not really about MY feelings AT ALL.
Posted by: Substance McGravitas | April 25, 2012 at 08:01 PM
Here's bimler with the butterfly talk.
I am already acquainted with my comma and my question mark. But not my period.
Posted by: herr doktor bimler | April 25, 2012 at 08:06 PM
I love how punctuation is like PUNctuation.
This post goes in the PANTHEON of posts. I think Words of Wisdom even!
Lots of ferns, lots of paneling, lots of Free to Be... You and Me stuff on the walls. I was fine with FTBYAM, but did not necessarily want it every time I went for a check-up.
Posted by: Pinko Punko | April 25, 2012 at 10:17 PM
Ahem.
FTB...YAM
Posted by: Pinko Punko | April 25, 2012 at 10:18 PM
yes agreed P, genius. It's so J!!!!
Posted by: Kathleen | April 26, 2012 at 01:14 AM
I am already acquainted with my comma and my question mark. But not my period.
What about your assterisk?
Posted by: fish | April 26, 2012 at 07:54 AM
I have provided you fame in Canada.
Use it wisely.
Posted by: Mandos | April 26, 2012 at 07:55 AM
As I said over at your other place... I was going to thank you for the linky love, Mandos... but that doesn't sound right.
Posted by: Jennifer | April 26, 2012 at 08:23 AM
This post goes in the PANTHEON of posts. I think Words of Wisdom even!
Remind me not to drink and blog...
Posted by: Jennifer | April 26, 2012 at 08:56 AM
Ahem.
FTB...YAM
It's been corrected! :)
Posted by: Jennifer | April 26, 2012 at 08:58 AM
The pause is so pregnant, though I think it was trying not to be!
Posted by: Pinko Punko | April 26, 2012 at 09:59 AM
LOL!
Posted by: Jennifer | April 26, 2012 at 10:07 AM
Susie Bright is STILL talking about this, I am sure, at this very second somewhere in the world! I will click over to her blog and there will be a cervix right there for all to examine! LOL
Not laughing *at* her at all, just laughing as the 3rd grader who still lives inside of me. (I was going to say *deep* inside of me, but didn't want to conjure up any images I should analyze!)
Went to PP a few times. Don't remember any FTB...YAM, but do remember the "vibe" of it all.
And LOL @ the pause being so pregnant.
Posted by: blue girl | April 26, 2012 at 01:55 PM