Bittersweet

My father is 84 today. Yes, he's still with us... although I think I've been holding my breath for a few years now, always expecting that call... sometimes hoping for that call as opposed to thinking of what might be coming.

He doesn't live at home anymore. He went into assisted living this past summer... something I fully understand, but still hate and don't understand. I keep resisting the urge to bust him out... while also fighting the urge to lose my lunch.

How can this be?? How could so much have happened so fast over the past few years?? How does a man go from exercising every day and having a stellar mind, to not being able to walk, and not being sure what day it is?? How does a man go from building a home and living in it, to no longer being able to live there, even though it's still his?? He has a home! He just can't live there... at least not without a team of people. It's very easy to move a baby, it's not so easy to move a 6'1" man.

He's still there though... or part of him is still there. Sweetness, as I have mentioned before, has taken a stronger hold in him than he has probably allowed since childhood. That is one of the few blessings, no, probably the only blessing of the stripping away of who he is. 

He still has a fondness for ribald jokes. Go figure. You can ask him what time of year it is the day after he attends a 4th of July celebration, and he'll say October, but apologize to him for possibly giving him a wedgie when trying to move him from his wheelchair to his recliner, and he'll laugh right on cue and say it's probably the most he's felt down there in a long time...

He still retains (or I think he does) a fondness for flatulence humor, so today, when out shopping, and happening upon the scratch 'n sniff farting unicorn card, I snatched it up. I guess I'll find out Sunday, when we go to visit, whether this part of him still exists, or if it has joined the long line of characteristics he has left behind.

Below is my father, in younger years... Ha! I say younger, but he would have been roughly my age now when this was taken... 1976. He loved to cook out and built an awesome barbeque pit, which allowed him and one of his best friends to throw annual hog roasts. 1976 was one of the years they didn't... instead it was the Bicentennial Beef Bash... beef was chosen so a variety of other friends who did not partake of pork could attend.

You gotta love those shirts... again, it was the 70's... His glasses, however, were pure him. He's worn round spectacles since and before I've known him. I counted once, he had around 120 pairs... all different, but all round. Some crazier than others. He referred to them as his Magoo glasses.

And then there's that smile... a smile he often tried to restrain because it was crooked. Egads. What was he thinking. Smile Dad... smile!

The lyrics of this song don't really pertain, but it's been playing in my head since I put this up.

Comments

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

My dad isn't quite as old. But the assisted living thing...I know nobody likes to think about it, but consider that perhaps the alternative might be crashing a two ton SUV.
~

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

Happy birthday Saying Grandpa!

[Jennifer]

LOL! He'd be Saying Opa. :)

[fish]

This must be very tough for you.

I want that shirt...

[Pinko Punko]

I might have that shirt in the closet of unfortunate, awesome shirts.

Thanks, J, for this post.

[Jennifer]

That shirt was/is SO not my father's style, but I think my mother bought it as a nod to the times. I believe he only wore it once. I'm guessing it's long gone.

He did love a good guayabera though!

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

Yes, that smile is terrific. Smiling is good for us, I think!
~

[Kathleen]

great post J. I think I have something in my eye

[Laura]

Happy Birthday to your Dad. It must seem weird hearing that when, in some ways, he's gone. :(

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how hard this is on you. Thunder is right though-while assisted care isn't anyones idea of a perfect solultion, it's better than the alternative... to which, I (of course) have a story for you...

My Dad's oldest brother had the same thing. My cousin, his son, just kept him living at home by himself. (my cousin had a house built right next door-it was a farm).. anyhow, my uncle started getting out. He would walk right into town! I have NO idea why my cousin didn't put him in a home or at least, get home care in. One morning my cousin went to check on him-he wasn't there. It was winter so he followed the boot prints in the snow. They took him to the highway where he found police cars, and an ambulance. Just before sunrise my Uncle walked out onto the highway and was hit by a car. Killed instantly of course.

So take heart. Even though you don't feel "good" about where he is, know that you are doing the VERY BEST thing that you can for him. I'm sure that he would understand and thank you for it.

Big Hugs for you Jennifer.

Laura

[Jennifer]

I'll take the big hugs, Laura! And I know he's where he needs to be, but it doesn't make it suck any less...

I'm sorry about your uncle. That's just horrible.

[Jennifer]

Smiling is good for us

Yes it is, thundra. :) So are bird pictures, and crazy blogging threads, and random niceness from people you've never met.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments. I wish I had bad paisley shirts for all of you. :)

[Laura]

"I'm sorry about your uncle. That's just horrible."

I know eh? That was a bad crushing story. Usually I get off on stuff being crushed. Not family though-I'm glad that I've still got that much heart left. :)

[Laura]

Well, I have crushed the ugly Laura/fish children so.. technically, I do crush family-not ATTRACTIVE family. I still *feel* for the beautiful people.

[B^4]

Wow, what a post... it's hard to see someone lose their independence. Hopefully, the staff at the assisted living community give him some bit of autonomy.

[blue girl]

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. Life is so weird and difficult and hard to figure out. Wishing you love and peace and courage and calm and understanding.

[Substance McGravitas]

it's hard to see someone lose their independence

I have an uncle who's always been a dick and it's hard to see him losing it. Good luck Jennifer.

[Another Kiwi]

It's about the toughest thing to experience, Jennifer. I had it happen to my Dad and I really wish it wasn't happening to you.
Old photos are a two edged thing, reminding you of good times but underlining what's happening.
Peace to you and all the families.

[Jennifer]

Thanks you guys. :)

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

One of the best meditations on aging.

[von]

A lovely and thoughtful post.
Hooray for Opa/

[nnntewns]

love.