Surrounded by Brilliance...

It's been a busy week or four. They're starting to blend. As the dust slowly suggests that it might be starting to settle, bits and pieces are coming back to me. One thing I just remembered again today... a lovely interaction with one of the bright bulbs I live around who said, as my youngest lamblet is preparing to leave elementary school:

"You know, your kids are doing really well considering how little you've been involved!!"

LOL!

I know! It's amazing they're not in jail considering how little I've been involved!! Other than actually being involved in their daily lives!!

Oh, I know what she meant. She meant I've not been an uber-PTA mother. I attemtped it years ago, but it was not for me... when I dove into those shark-infested waters, it was apparent it had more to do about the mothers than the kids. I volunteered where I could, where I felt my talents and services would be of most use, but otherwise, I've tried to steer clear. I do a few things each year that I feel will benefit... things that usually involve me interacting directly with the kids, not with many of the other mothers... once bitten, twice shy... but I am most definitely not one of those people who feels the need to live at school... who feels it doesn't count unless it's been seen by others and applauded.

So... my kids are an enigma. They do well in school, have a good sense of humor, are pretty well-grounded, are kind to others, and give every impression that they will be people who contribute to society. People don't get this. How can this be when I'm not spending 24/7 at school?? How can this be when I'm not involved?

Silly people. I am involved. I'm involved 24/7, it's just not on display for all to see. I'm involved in all of those quiet spaces where I feel it does the most good. I'm involved by showing up for them, not showing up for the other mothers at school. It also helps that the powers that be handed me a winning hand. I got good kids. I got easy stuff to work with. They would have turned out OK even if they had been raised in a crack house.

Comments

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

huh.

I am now concerned about how Young Zombie turned out with such a cynical streak.

too late, in any case. He still wants to be an urban planner.

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

They would have turned out OK even if they had been raised in a crack house.

"if"?

there is a pretty healthy crack in your basement wall.

SORRY!~

[Jennifer]

The lamblets are both incredibly cynical on many levels. I consider it a good thing if it doesn't stop them, but allows them to avoid the BS.

I think cynicism is called for in urban planning.

[Jennifer]

there is a pretty healthy crack in your basement wall.

SORRY!~

>:(

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

The lamblets are both incredibly cynical on many levels.

EZ watches Ed Schultz and Maddow pretty religiously. Olbermann's new show will be available on our package, so he will be on that also.

I turned him on to Daily Kos just a couple of weeks ago. Next up: Crooks and Liars, then Hullabaloo, then FireDogLake!

Making a little Liberal Zombie Black Belt army in my own house, I am.

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

I would have formatted that quote properly, but Weiner Penis!

[Jennifer]

Heh... you said, "package"...

:)

[Mandos]

My mom wasn't an uber-PTA mom either. I think I did pretty well at school. Emotional involvement and involvement at home, creating an atmosphere that encourages learning and reading, creating good expectations, those are what my parents gave me.

Speaking as a non-parent but also as someone who has participated in the formation of younger minds, the best students that have so far come my way don't appear to have had the uber-PTA mom thing either. The ones that have are the ones most likely to complain not only about the fairness of grading or project/exam difficulty, but also the fairness of expecting them to actually learn something...

[Jennifer]

Oh, I know, Mandos. I was being facetious in most of what I said. I've dealt with these people long enough who feel that if their kid goes to church and their mother does enough volunteer work, their kids should be ok. They are then amazed at the people who have done otherwise and their kids are excelling.

I have wonderful relationships with my kids, as does Grizzled. It amazes me that people dismiss the daily minutia, or even the big things that happen outside, and hinge it all upon volunteering at school.

I guess to sum it up, if they don't see someone "enough" at school, they assume that this lack is happening across the board. Their "bad".

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

I form younger minds by teaching the to kick people in the head.

I don't go to church.

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

but also the fairness of expecting them to actually learn something...

I always hated that. I'll learn something when I'm good and interested! (Which rarely coincided with a course I was taking, but sometimes would happen a while after the final exam.)
~

[Another Kiwi]

People who do all that "involved" stuff deserve applause, good on them. Lazy buggers like moi don't have to and I don't go around and comment on other people's input. Fuck'em. We all have different parenting styles and the public side of it is pretty minor in comparison to the private work teaching kids not to chew with their mouths open, or to wash their hands.

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

Next time I need to hire someone to teach kids not to wash their hands, I'm going with A.K.
~

[Another Kiwi]

$50 an hour, no refunds.

Judger thunda

[Jennifer]

the public side of it is pretty minor in comparison to the private work

Yep.

I found it funny that someone lumped all of my parenting into one, small slice. I also found it funny that they assumed kids would only do well if...

I am glad some people want to do all of that. I like to pick and choose. As I said, I contribute where I think I'll best be used, but otherwise, there are a million other things going on.

[blue girl]

Still over here adjusting to being an Empty Nester, I've been going through tumultuous jags of regret on how I've parented. (And I'm only doing that because my in-the-thick-of-it-all parenting days are indeed over, sniff. It's an irrational time.) Anyway, all the regret and guilt pangs that have hit me out of the blue over this last year have NOT EVER included the thought that I should have been up in BK's grill at school 24/7. Or that I should have done all of that "volunteering" to show the other mothers what a great mother I was.

Oh, I have some funny stories about my pitiful Empty Nester self. lol I'll spare you all! Oh, but they are funny if you can take them with the grain of salt and the understanding they deserve.

Jennifer, I know you don't need me to tell you this, but you are a wonderful mother. And the two Lamblets are incredibly lucky to have smart, clever, creative, funny you.

[blue girl]

I form younger minds by teaching the to kick people in the head.

ZRM, that is hilarious.

[Jennifer]

NOT EVER included the thought that I should have been up in BK's grill at school 24/7.

LOL!

I AGREE!!! Like I said, while I do believe in volunteering if you can truly help or bring something to the party, part of me feels, their time at school is their time! It's not time for a mother or father to be fleshing out their self-worth! Of course, schools are having more problems than they've ever had and need more volunteering, but still.

I already feel empty-nester pangs on occasion and have to remind myself I have a little over 3 years before EL leaves, not to mention 7 before YL does... but still, I know how fast that time goes.

Are you holding... damn! I forgot the term! What were those groups women held to get out their true feelings?? It started with a "c", I think... it was a very 60's/70's kind of thing. Grrr.

Encounter groups!! That's it! It's not a "c"! Are you holding those in your living room, BG?? Are you wearing bright, cheerful caftans and bonding with your fellow woman?? :) Do tell.

[blue girl]

lol @ "Are you wearing bright, cheerful caftans and bonding with your fellow woman?? :)" lolol Maybe that's what I need to do!

In lieu of that? I think I'll put on some Carol King. lol

Like you mentioned above, I always felt that BK deserved his own space. He needed his own space to grow. It's like the saying... How can I miss you when don't ever leave?

I was always so independent growing up. I would have been horrified if my mom would have been a Stage 5 Clinger.

[B^4]

Fancy that, spending time with the kids, rather than at PTA meetings!

I turned him on to Daily Kos just a couple of weeks ago. Next up: Crooks and Liars, then Hullabaloo, then FireDogLake!

Hold off on making him a Sadlynaut or some Canadian d00d will start ragging on your wife.

[Kathleen]

I cannot believe someone said that. I am speechless. (at least I can still type). WTF?

[Kathleen]

((hugs)) to you BG. you are awesome. you can always share funny stories with us and we will understand.

[blue girl]

Aw, thanks, Kathleen! (((hugs))) to you too! And (((hugs))) to Jennifer. (((hugs))) all around!

[karla]

From one who was there - it was 'Consciousness Raising Groups'.

I worked when the girls were of school age. They kept their father and me as their secret weapons, the coaches that they could come home to and spill all and trouble shoot with. Once they went to school, it was all about them and their performance. A large number of their friends' mothers spent many many hours at school making copies and laminating. I guess the school benefitted, but this also filled a social need for the moms. I don't call it parenting, unless it is 'parenting' the whole cohort.

[Jennifer]

That was it! Consciousness Raising Groups!

[blue girl]

Let's start one!

[fish]

I think I would be a really good parent if I knew where my my children were.

[Another Kiwi]

I might be interested in an Unconscious Raisin Group. You might know them as wine.

[Von]

You have amazing kids!! I wish you and Grizzled were my parents, but due to the age closeness of us, I'll settle for you guys being my awesome older siblings.

[Jennifer]

I've never been an older sibling. :) I'll do it!

[Miss Jane]

It is amazing your children are doing so well considering how much SHE is involved!!!

[Jennifer]

LOL!! I love it! Thank you, Miss Jane. :)