.jpg)
Mom has temporarily given me, EL, temporary control of her blog to explain a metaphor I was telling her this afternoon.
I was telling her about how my friend in art class last year had posed the hypothetical/philosophical question, "Why are there no metal sporks?" This is my theory:
Forks, spoons, and sporks are like lions, tigers, and ligers (oh my). Forks and spoons were made in metal before they were conceived in plastic. Similarly, lions and tigers were wild before they were anywhere close to being domesticated. Sporks, in contrast, were made originally in plastic, as ligers were bred as a result of human intervention. Sporks are a pathetic utensil, that after three years of junior high, I can honestly say I have developed a disliking for. They are useless, confused ingrates. On one hand, they fail to hold soup because someone cut triangles out of them. On the other, they fail to stab anything sufficiently because their points are dull and short. Nobody created sporks with the intention of them actually being good for anything. Ligers are incapable of living in the wild because they were raised by humans, and hence have lost touch with the vast majority of their animal instincts, and are incapable of reproduction. They would have never existed naturally because under realistic circumstances, the situations where a lion would breed with a tiger are few.
HENCE, in summation, sporks and ligers are alike victims of human experimentation, and therefore can never be independent/metal.
Adminstrator's note: Tigers and lions were not manmade as were spoons and forks... even if made of metal... otherwise, I'm going with it... It makes sense, somehow.
I had mentioned that both sporks and ligers were made for our amusement, but EL said said, in regards to sporks... "I am not amused."
OK, then...
Posted by: Jennifer | February 13, 2011 at 04:49 PM
Extensive research on sporks by Genes-R-Us a division of Riddled Enterprises (Taq polymerase twofer Tuesday) has revealed no phyllogentic tree. This is unusual in the extreme and has only occurred before in this investigators work on Yellow -Eyed Penguins (which are now presumed, by all serious researchers, to be small robots).
Thus it may, indeed be the case that sporks are purely constructs of humankind. The definitive test would be to leave a spork and a metal fork or spoon in a cardboard box and observe them for any signs of mating behaviours. Parental guidance may be needed
Posted by: Another Kiwi | February 13, 2011 at 06:19 PM
countdown to one of the Usual Suspects posting a link to metal sporks in 5...4..3...
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | February 13, 2011 at 06:23 PM
I know, but I thought I'd let her rant. A brief change from me doing it...
EL just walked in and said, "You can comment when you've seen one in person, Mister!"
And then walked out...
And then walked back in...
"I've seen ligers in person, but that doesn't mean they're right!"
Posted by: Jennifer | February 13, 2011 at 06:38 PM
The definitive test would be to leave a spork and a metal fork or spoon in a cardboard box and observe them for any signs of mating behaviours. Parental guidance may be needed+
Does one spoon after forking??
As for the experiment, if the box is a rockin', don't come a knockin'.
I'll think twice before choosing a spoon for my cereal tomorrow. Gawd only knows what it did last night! Can a spoon have a "knowing" look??
Ah, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!!!
Posted by: Jennifer | February 13, 2011 at 06:41 PM
EL also added:
You can see pictures of unicorns on the internet, but that doesn't mean they're real.
Posted by: Jennifer | February 13, 2011 at 06:44 PM
Or perhaps metal forks are abnormalities of the universe, like double rainbows, comfy toe socks, or fairy circles.
Either way, I'd like to see Hubert Gagnon and Aldo Balatti try to pick up sliced peaches with their sick invention...
Posted by: Eldest Lamblet | February 13, 2011 at 06:52 PM
Oh my GAWD! They're Canadians!!@!11!
Posted by: Jennifer | February 13, 2011 at 06:57 PM
Parental aside: If EL is going to log on on her own computer, she must ignore all eff-bombs, all sick comments (which of course, will not be made by me), and all other posts, because their comment threads most likely devolve into sick comments (and accompanying links) not made by me.
Posted by: Jennifer, Pure Motherly Goodness | February 13, 2011 at 07:01 PM
Aren't you the one who insists I go to that asylum they call public school, where I'm sure I can hear just as much bad???
Posted by: Eldest Lamblet, Senser of Irony | February 13, 2011 at 07:09 PM
I suppose I can attribute you misspelling sensor to public school as well. :)
Posted by: Jennifer, Pure Motherly Goodness | February 13, 2011 at 07:19 PM
Shall I go back and pinpoint every comma error or mistake made in hasty typing???
Hmm? ;)
Posted by: Eldest Lamblet, Comma Commandant | February 13, 2011 at 07:24 PM
Do your homework.
Posted by: Jennifer, Pure Motherly Goodness | February 13, 2011 at 07:37 PM
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT THREAD EVER!!!
Shall I go back and pinpoint every comma error or mistake made in hasty typing???
Jennifer, run!!! there's a Zombie in your house!!!.
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | February 13, 2011 at 07:47 PM
Spork this, spork that!?!
It's not fair!
Foon Anti-Defamation League (FADL)
~
Posted by: ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© | February 13, 2011 at 07:52 PM
I've seen metal sporks with mine own eyes, but then I'm a Canadian.
Parents in every generation seem to have considerably difficulty grasping that there is nothing they can say that hasn't already been doubled down upon in high school. Or rather, I'm sure they understand this perfectly well, but it appears to be an iron law of parenting that they must not admit it.
Posted by: Mandos | February 13, 2011 at 08:16 PM
Mommy dearest- I already DID my hw, because I accidentally did it beforehand
Sporks, foons, either way, I find them irritating.
Justin Beiber... metal sporks... goodness gracious.
Posted by: Eldest Lamblet, Comma Commandant/ Anti-Spork Enthusiast | February 13, 2011 at 08:28 PM
I apologise for Justin Bieber. I say he came from another dimension.
Posted by: Mandos | February 13, 2011 at 08:32 PM
but it appears to be an iron law of parenting that they must not admit it.
Exactly.
I apologise for Justin Bieber. I say he came from another dimension.
Apology accepted. Now make him go away.
Posted by: Jennifer, Pure Motherly Goodness | February 13, 2011 at 08:35 PM
Shorry? whaat you say? Why I oughta smack you one
Posted by: Just Imbiber | February 13, 2011 at 08:41 PM
Unfortunately it involves abolishing Southwestern Ontario---the source of so many of these things including Avril Lavigne---and from where are you going to get your annual dose of Niagara tourist traps, I ask you.
Posted by: Mandos | February 13, 2011 at 08:47 PM
I have a much-younger brother on whose behalf we used to change the channel if there was something inappropriate. Because he is so much younger than I am, I sort of never stopped thinking of him as a baby. As he approached high school, *he* used to start changing the channel. I'm guessing he assumed that we changed the channel because it was *our* grownup ears that were too delicate, so he was doing us a favour...
Posted by: Mandos | February 13, 2011 at 08:51 PM
Foons promise to take many improv courses, for the greater amusement of all.
Of course, sporks would never do such a thing.
~
Posted by: ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© | February 13, 2011 at 08:51 PM
I pictured Jennifer and EL sitting at a table, laptop to laptop, typing comments to each other wordlessly.
The definitive test would be to leave a spork and a metal fork or spoon in a cardboard box and observe them for any signs of mating behaviours.
To speed things up, I recommend doing this after they've had a nice dinner together and a hot shower in the dish washer.
Posted by: Brando | February 13, 2011 at 11:45 PM
Just Imbiber is cut off...
Mandos- as the youngest one in my family, I feel for your brother. That's pretty funny though that he changes the channels on his own. Yes, there does come a point where the protected becomes the protector.
Brando- we were at last a floor apart. :) Of course, silly me, I figured she couldn't get to my blog unless I took her there myself.
LOL @ nice dinner followed by a hot shower... and if real silver, perhaps a soothing massage with some tarnish-removing cream. Wacka-wow!
Posted by: Jennifer, Pure Motherly Goodness | February 14, 2011 at 06:04 AM
when the revolution comes, sporks will be first under the jackboot of freedom.
Posted by: almostinfamous | February 14, 2011 at 07:19 AM
I say you send the child to New Zealand.
Posted by: Substance McGravitas | February 14, 2011 at 09:59 AM
Unfortunately it involves abolishing Southwestern Ontario
We've been over this.
Posted by: fish | February 14, 2011 at 10:48 AM
Foon Anti-Defamation League (FADL)
Thunder was googling "
Posted by: fish | February 14, 2011 at 10:51 AM
Stupid wordpress.
Thunder was googling "inverse spork."
Posted by: fish | February 14, 2011 at 10:52 AM
If Sir and Madam would care to entrust their loved ones to The Riddled Academy for Children of Outstanding Moral Fibre and Greyhound Racing Track, suitable terms could be arranged.
Posted by: Another Kiwi | February 14, 2011 at 12:01 PM
Oh of course! Of course there's a entire freakin' spork manifesto...
Posted by: Jennifer, Pure Motherly Goodness | February 14, 2011 at 12:59 PM
I'm changing my name. To heck with motherly goodness.
Posted by: kitten with a whip... | February 14, 2011 at 01:00 PM
What about Björks? Are they hybrid crosses of Bjorns and förks?
Posted by: Mandos | February 14, 2011 at 01:26 PM
:)
Posted by: kitten with a whip... | February 14, 2011 at 01:27 PM
I just love those lamblets!!
Posted by: VOn | February 14, 2011 at 06:09 PM
They love you, too, Miss Y-Von. Although... the youngest is still a tad leery. Love and leery. :) Not a bad thing.
Posted by: kitten with a whip... | February 14, 2011 at 06:26 PM
AK- if I lie about my age, can I go to Camp Riddled??
Posted by: kitten with a whip... | February 14, 2011 at 06:26 PM
By "Outstanding Moral Fibre", AK means that you have to be made of corduroy.
Posted by: herr doktor bimler | February 14, 2011 at 07:26 PM
kitten with a whip...
Jennifer is Ann-Margret?
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | February 14, 2011 at 09:53 PM
I thought she was a Senser of Irony. The sixth sense, as it were.
Posted by: Kathleen | February 15, 2011 at 02:29 PM
:)
Posted by: Jennifer | February 15, 2011 at 02:33 PM