Saying yes...

Lamblet in a Smut Clyde Post...

The Youngest Lamblet was asked to perform in one of her cousin's student film projects. Since she's a minor, they needed my permission. "Sure!" I told my niece. "I trust your judgment that this won't scar her." One of the days of filming was spent at the Agora in Grant Park. I had second thoughts about scarring... but then remembered that the YL is scrappy and has been acting as EL's nighttime zombie foil for years.

Still, 6 hours spent meandering through headless, hollow bodies started to mess with me a bit and I couldn't help but think perhaps we'd been dragged and dropped into a Riddled post. 

Afternoon Dance-a-thon

Sometimes it works better than coffee...  Also, I love the second comment down on YouTube:

I don't understand why she just stares at him like wtf. If I saw a guy do this, I'd just about jump him.

I'd have to agree. 

Surely You've Seen This

Spotted while in the backyard this morning...

Female derwear. I refuse to use the p-word.They were nonchalantly draped on the neighbor's bush. No jokes, please... Said neighbor is in her 70's... these did not look like the derwear of a 70 yr-old. Other houses surrounding this neighbor's yard are also occupied by a couple of elderly women so I doubt they're theirs. Said derwear do not belong to this household either.

It was windy last night, but I don't think it was windy enough to blow your shorts off...

It was also cold last night... 19 degrees... I don't care how hot and heavy things got between whomever... 19 is too cold to frolic in nature.

It's too cold out for anyone to be line-drying.

Perhaps someone was still too full from Thanksgiving and decided going commando would be more comfortable... I don't know.

Any suggestions?

Evil Man

What Grizzled said he'd put in my stocking if I'm not naughty and nice...

Pinko... DorD material??

 
I saw this in the new Archie McPhee catalog... I used to love the idea of Fizzies as a kid, even though the actual experience was usually less than satisfying. I'm thinking this experience would be even less satisfying... somewhat akin to drinking ipecac, even if the fizzing emulates frying bacon.

Wow...

I was told yesterday to meet the prospective renters as my charming, seal-the-deal self, not as the occasional hard-ass crank who sometimes takes over my body. I did my best. I was pleasant, I answered questions where I could, took notes for things I was not sure of, tried to reassure the best I could although the thought that kept running through my head was, "Are you INSANE?!? GET OUT!" 

Here are a few of the requests the renters had in order to be able to live on this property.

1) The existing interior paint was too obnoxious, could they repaint? The existing paint is called linen... just a whisper of warmth added to white. How obnoxious could it be?? Still, wanting to paint wasn't an out of line question, just an weird choice of words. They should have left out the obnoxious part.

2) The two cracks in the plaster would HAVE to be fixed! The husband said he just couldn't live like this! The 2 cracks were directly above window frames... about 6 inches long. Real eyesores... It's a 60+ yr-old house... it's not going to look new.

3) Why didn't all of the lights work?!? This was asked numerous times even though I had told them numerous times that an electrician was currently doing some work on the place. The lights didn't work because he didn't want to kill himself while working. The husband then said that the house would HAVE to be rewired before they could move in. Yeah, we'll get right on that... and speaking of lights, they wanted more added to the kitchen. I suggested they use some lamps. No, they wanted more fixtures.

4) Could the picture window be removed so that they could move their furniture in through that? No. That question was met with a direct, "NO!"

5) Could they put their washer and dryer in in place of the ones in there?? Probably not since the dryer is electric and theirs is gas. They then asked if they could have a gas one installed. I don't even think I was answering at this point, but was wondering when I could get the heck out of there.

6) Where was the lot line next to the garage?? And... who put that tree  (Grizzled says at least 150 yr-old oak) there, and that utility pole? This would hamper the wife's ability to back out of the garage. I told them the tree was NOT coming down and that the utility people decide where the pole is going and we didn't have a lot of say... I suggested the wife use her mirrors.

I don't even remember the rest of the requests, but do recall hearing all the times both of them said, "We can't live like this!" Of course, they asked for a lease when leaving. I don't think we're ever going to get around to signing it.

Between a rock and a hard place...

A prospective renter trying to negotiate a lower rent... after the rent had already been lowered to accomodate for the swollen renting market...

Them- "We think it's worth about $100 less."

Us- "But we already dropped it down by $50 after doing an analysis of existing rental       properties. This is well within the acceptable range."

Them- "We still think you should give it to us for $100 less."

Us- "Yes, but we already said you could have the remainder of November for free... to move in at your leisure. Plus, you're getting a huge heated garage and a large fenced-in yard. AND, we're going to allow you to sign only a 5 month lease, to accomodate your other plans!"

Them- "Why won't you work with us?? We really want to rent the place, but what you're asking is not fair! We won't even be able to use that yard during the winter! We shouldn't be charged for it!"

At this point, I was ready to tell them to get bent, but Grizzled knows we can't afford to keep the house unoccupied. It seems selling it was not in the stars this past year... not with all of the short sales available. Finding renters had never really been a problem either. Different times.

I wonder if the bank would reduce our mortgage during the winter since we don't really use the yard...

 

November...

Classic:

But also good. Better horns.

Do You Swear to Tell the Truth?

I've been on jury call for the past two week for the US District Courts. This was a first. I was used to county duty where you did your day and unless chosen, were done. Not this time. This time, I was on call for 14 days.

I didn't mind it, other than the schedule uncertainty. That drove me nuts... but listening to the jury questioning? Listening to the multitude of answers? That was heaven for this curious person's ears. I love knowing what's going on with people... who they are, how they became that way, what their early morning thoughts are... those thoughts they have as they are pouring the first cup of coffee and are getting ready to put on their socially acceptable faces for the day.

I was not chosen for a jury, but was questioned or watched the questioning for 3 trials. I started to play games... I'd sum up the potential juror and then would wait and see if I was correct in my assessment. Often times I was. The human race is not that mysterious. Mr. Twitchles was indeed a fan of FOX News and doing things the right way. Mr. Sweet and Sensitive did indeed have a domestic partner and made Mr. Twitchles twitch twice as fast.

Some people, probably the ones I loved the best, were the ones where I was completely wrong... I judged them by their appearance, summed them up and was blessedly wrong! It was like biting into a truffle, certain what the filling would be, and realizing again that you shouldn't be so smug as to think you know what's inside, and what was inside was even better. I'm sure many people misjudged me. When asked how I spent my spare time, I gave socially acceptable answers and did not fess up to portraying a snackcake dictator or a filthbot.

But either way, the rooms were filled with characters... not one person was uninteresting and I started combining them in my head for sitcom gold. I could have thought of a million questions I would have asked them all... they all had a story to tell, but what I really wanted was the real story, not the one they had polished for daily use. I wanted to ask the chatty architect why he started to stutter whenever he had to talk about his work and did he realize he did. I wondered if Mr. Chill knew he had a smile that would melt butter and if he did, was the chilly exterior to combat the overwhelming warmth of that smile?? I wanted to ask the last Judge I sat in front of if he read to his grandchildren and that I hoped he did because he had the most wonderful delivery and the most expressive face. I really wanted to be chosen for that jury just so I could experience how he would handle it. I wanted to ask Mr. Twitchles why he was so afraid of anything that wasn't exactly as he felt it should be.

I love questions. I love asking people questions. I learned long ago to tone it down, realizing once you're past about 7, people start suspecting you for ulterior motives... motives other than just filling your endless curiosity about people. Generally I do pretty well and don't freak too many people out. It's still a possibility though. So, one day, if you get an email from me, asking how you are and asking if you've always had a smile that would melt butter and did you know that... don't freak out. I'm just hopelessly curious... AND, if you don't like answering questions, may I suggest, don't feed the bear.

Also- if chosen as a juror, I would have sworn not to pre-judge anyone! I swear!