The Bait and Switch

I was shopping at a new grocery store in our area yesterday when I realized they had Grizzled's favorite ice cream... Black Cherry. It's not as easy to find as you would think. A lot of ice creams have cherry or maraschino cherry, but not black cherry.. I bought him some. It wasn't until I got home that I realized it was "Lite", which is fine, it will probably be fine, ice cream manufacturing has come a long way, but for a moment I had flashbacks of ice milk... ice milk made the pre-ice cream manufacturing technological advancements era.

I then had a flashback to the worst of all grandparent desserts... Black Walnut Ice Milk!

GACK!

Nothing was worse! And it was made doubly disappointing by the fact that Grandma and Grandpa usually lured you in with the promise of ice CREAM. Not frozen milk! No, Ice CREAM that usually came in flavors like  chocolate, or strawberry, or wonderful Blue Moon... it came in a flavor that didn't taste like mildew.

To this day there is only one item I can eat that has black walnuts in it and it's Peppernuts. My grandmother's recipe makes 600-700 cookies... that recipe for 600-700 cookies contains only 6 ounces of black walnuts. You do the math. I made them once and left out the heinous black walnuts, only to realize they do have value in this world... in an old Germanic cookie. They belong in nothing else and certainly not anything called ice cream or candy. Yes, Grandma and Grandpa occasionally lured us to try that "treat". I might as well have just gnawed on a mildewy baseboard... which reminds me... now I know why my basement reminds me of my grandparents...

What scary things did your grandparents try to pass off as dessert??

--In defense of my grandparents... I know they served many wonderful desserts that were actually desserts, but the fear of the bait and switch... the fear of being offered something tantalizing and then getting Black Walnut Ice Milk has obviously left a scar. Fool me once...

Comments

[Von]

My Oma would take a slice of white bread (a little stale) put butter on it, and put sugar on top of the butter. Not toasted, which might have made this slightly edible, not brown sugar. Just white bread/butter/sugar.
BLEH

[Jennifer]

My Oma :) As you know, that's what my parents go by... Oma and Opa.

LOL! My childhood best friend's mother did the very same thing. I was telling someone that the other day... how way back when, you didn't ever expect a snack at someone's house and how if you got one, you never knew what it would be. My friend's mother would take Wonder Bread, smear it with oleo (not even butter) and then would sprinkle it all with shite sugar. :) Yep, same deal. Could you imagine trying to give that out as a snack today?? You'd have the neighborhood chasing you down with pitchforks and torches!

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

You will no doubt be surprised to learn that I'm a big fan of this.

P.S. These days, I rarely buy sweet things. Pickles, olives, cheese, and hot peppers catch my attention instead.
~

[Jennifer]

Gee, imagine thundra liking something with a Grateful Dead-inspired name!!?!

Grizzled likes Cherry Garcia, but most of the time, he wants the cherries unadulterated. That didn't sound right, did it??

My sweet tooth has definitely lessened as I've gotten older, but if I am having a desire for sweets, it's got to be the right thing and no amount of black walnut ice milk will suffice!

Olives... yum. There's also a wonderful olive bar at the new store. Again, yum.

[Amy]

GAH! Sweet Soup!

http://scandinavianfood.about.com/od/fruitdishespreserves/r/sweetsoup.htm

To this day, anything with tapioca gives me the willies.

[Jennifer]

Oh yeah, I can see how Sweet Soup would be a bummer if you really wanted chocolate pudding. It sounds like getting fruitcake instead of getting brownies.

However, I do confess to liking tapioca even though Grizzled calls it horse snot...

[Substance McGravitas]

What scary things did your grandparents try to pass off as dessert??

Travelling salesmen.

[Dan Leo]

There was a Firesign Theatre bit where an aged actor comes on a game show and the host says, "You're looking very fit, George. What's your secret?" And old George says, "I don't eat."

That reminds me of my paternal grandmother. I honestly can't remember her ever eating.

[herr doktor bimler]

This is it. One grandparent lived long enough for me to remember her but she was living on insulin and akvavit.

[Jennifer]

Dan- Yes, I also recall elderly relatives who subsisted on a corner of toast.

hdb- oh my... shots for everyone!

[Jennifer]

Ha! I missed SMcG's link! Now it makes even more sense.

[herr doktor bimler]

See also Parents.

[Brando]

What scary things did your grandparents try to pass off as dessert??

I didn't really have that issue because my grandma worked for a candy distribution company. I had more free candy then I knew what to do with.

I guess there is one scary part: we used to get boxes of candy cigarettes, and when I'd play army with my friends, I'd offer cigarettes to someone we captured as a prisoner.

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

Candy Cigarettes. Hah

Nowadays, they have just gone to marketing cigarettes directly to kids.