Dis-tress

I’m going through relationship issues right now. A very good and solid friend is changing and I feel betrayed. The support I have always counted on isn’t there as much. I try to put on a good face and act as though things are the same, but deep down, I know they’re not. This relationship has been one of the longest and best relationships in my life. Yes, it has caused me grief, but those times were usually caused by my own stupid actions or the crazy actions of someone else… until now… now it’s the other that is changing and I’m having a hard time going along with it. It was something I never thought would be asked of me. It was one of those areas where I confidently checked off “insecurity in this area does not pertain to you”.

I’m talking about my hair. The one body “part” I’ve never questioned or needed to make peace with… unlike say my nose or my butt or my thighs. My thighs and I came to some mutual understanding long ago… live and let live. We’ll never be best friends, but we can be neighbors. We’re there for each other more or less, just don’t expect the world. I missed their calling to be a speed skater and they missed my need for them to be the thighs of someone who wanted to wear Audrey Hepburn pants.

My hair did not miss my needs. Instead it was as if it understood that we all need one random  thing that we take pride in and don’t question. I was one of the follicley-blessed, coming from a family of the same. Bad hair would never be my cross to bear. I had hair that was bountiful and noticed. I didn’t have to do much too it, it was just there… working its magic. I could retire if I had gotten a nickel for every time I got a hair comment. At times the attention did cause me trouble in that stylists loved to cut it (this is a fate not reserved for females alone). I cringed when I’d hear the oft mentioned words, “Your hair is so fun to cut!!!’ Those words meant I’d be leaving with a style that was way too short, way too layered, way too ugly… The fear of hearing those words just one more time caused me to cut my own hair for over 10 years… I’d rather be angry at myself with money in my pocket instead of having paid an “expert” to butcher me or give me “face ends” (think hair bookends on your face) one more time…  I cried for a month in the mid 90's when a new stylist thought I'd look good as Jon Bon Jovi circa '84. Even Grizzled couldn't lie to me after that one. I came home to hear him say, "What in the hell happened??!"

My hair and I did have occasional issues… at some point in my mid-20’s, it decided it preferred to be brown. I’ll never forget going to the DMV and having the lady inform me I was not a blonde. What?? But I’d been one all my life?? What do you mean I’m not a blonde?? Well, that was easy enough to resolve… enter the phase of changing colors… Highlights were my gateway drug into full blown color changes. I abused my hair, but it still stood by me… letting me get away with things it shouldn’t have. It should have broken off and run, but it didn’t. It was there for me. Yes, it’s gone through its changes and I’ve put it through its changes. It’s changed its color and I’ve changed its color. It’s changed its texture and I’ve changed its texture. Having children left it even darker and somewhat wavy. It was ok. It still worked…  

And then a few years ago it started to change in ways I didn’t even really realize. Gray, while once only a rare and amusing strand, was becoming more plentiful. This irked me as I was often told I had my mother’s hair and my mother didn’t start graying until her late 50’s! It also started taking on some mutant texture thing that felt more like a bad roll of monofilament line. What was this?? What were these freakish wavy, not wavy, course hairs with little shine?? The worst though has been its thinning… something everyone else swears they can’t tell, but I can. I know it’s happening. Grizzled informs me that I still have 80% more hair than the rest of the population, but still... it’s not the same. I’ve checked into why it’s thinning.. is it a thyroid thing, is it some other physical issue?? No… apparently not. Other than a low level of vitamin D, there is no reason my hair should be thinning… other than I’m getting older. I seem to recall reading somewhere that a woman's hair should not promise a fecundity that her ovaries cannot support. While my ovaries have not retired... I have to be honest that the other end of the journey is more in my sites. Of course my mother is 81 and still has a butt load of hair, her fecundity long gone… and I’m supposed to have gotten her hair… apparently she’s not done with hers yet. Hmmf!

These days I find myself obsessed with hair… looking at everyone’s hair, trying to guess their ages, their hair truths and lies. One thing I’ve realized is that women past a certain age do not have that hair of their youth… even if I thought they did. Upon closer inspection, it’s true… even of those I’ve been looking at everyday, those people who I would have sworn that their hair had not changed… it has. It’s not as naturally thick, shiny, bouncy, whatever… Hair ages… just like the rest of us. I guess I just didn’t expect it so soon (or ever). I guess I thought it would be my security blanket for a decade, or two, or three longer. I didn’t think it would change as drastically as I feel it has. It does. It only takes one look at my lamblets' hair to know that. It’s just not discussed, but probably should be, along with the fact that childbirth, no matter how natural… can cause a bit of what some might call… TRAUMA! It’s one of those things that is not really talked about, but instead is assumed everyone will figure out when they cross that road for themselves.

Yes, one day, the woman that you always knew with the thick, luxurious, bulletproof hair, will suddenly show up with a thin, blue-tinted poodle do... let's just hope you're not looking in the mirror when she does.

Comments

[Jennifer]

TypePad's font sizing and spacing was wigging out on me while typing this so it is what it is... if it looks insane to you, you're not insane... the program was. Ok, or maybe the blogger using the program was...

[ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©]

Gray, while once only a rare and amusing strand, was becoming more plentiful.

Well that's just no fair!

P.S. I started getting grey hairs shortly after college. Now I have a head full of mostly silver (o.k. white) hair. Yet it does cover my head, so there's that.
~

[herr doktor bimler]

Here's a trainer of hair stylists who offers "a huge and complete variety of curses". Any help?

a butt load of hair
Not really where you want it.

[Jennifer]

thundra- Grizzled's hair seems to be migrating to his shoulders and back, but it's Grizzled, so it's ok. Hurray for you for keeping it on your head. :)

hdb- Ha! Training curses indeed!!! And... point taken on the butt load...

[Pinko Punko]

My mom went gray and frazzly starting at 21. I used to have a lustrous Q-tip head and now I have to wear a hat.

And now I have the possibility of eyebrows from hell. God damn it, hair!!!!!!!

[Jennifer]

Lustrous Q-tip head! :) And what is it with men and their eyebrows?? It's like everything they've kept bottled up inside comes springing out in crazy eyebrows!

[scribbler50]

I have to say, Jennifer, that was a very effective mislead you opened this post with. I really thought I was on my way to some serious, serious drama (not to diminish the "trauma" of a thinning mane), when it's all about you and your hair which I'm sure you have loads of. I guess that makes you, just like what they do to women's hair in parts of Jersey, a "big tease".

Hey, thanks for the link!

[Jennifer]

I guess that makes you, just like what they do to women's hair in parts of Jersey, a "big tease".

:) Yes, I suppose so. But I'm no Snooki!

You're more than welcome for the link. I only wish you'd get as many hits as I still have hairs on my head... not that you need them.

[herr doktor bimler]

And what is it with men and their eyebrows?
Indeed. Also, this business with random ear-hair. It was not mentioned anywhere in the specifications.

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

And what is it with men and their eyebrows?

It scares the childrens, which is handy when one is telling them to GET OFFA MAH LAWN!!!

[Von]

Your hair is Gorgeous. Really, and I totally look at people's hair. YOu have awesome awesome hair!!!

[Jennifer]

LOL! Your check is in the mail, Von. :) And... you should have seen my hair 20 years ago!! Oh hell, you should have seen all of me 20 years ago. It was all better. :) Except for my imagination. It just keeps getting better and better... and my appreciation for things... and my love of all things 4-legged and furry... and my choice in friends... :)

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

and my appreciation for things

Zombie shout-out!!

[Brando]

TLB had to deal with this very early. She inherited her father's early gray (he looked like Phil Donohue by 30), but found her answers at the bottom of a bottle.

[Jennifer]

Yeah... I've seen the bottom of that bottle, but gray hair just doesn't hold color like the rest... :(

[Kathleen in Oakland]

I feel like this is a post to me from the future through a wormhole. I have awesome hair!!! It's my rock.

[Jennifer]

Make sure your rock doesn't crumble!!! :)

[Pinko Punko]

GC is losing gobs of it post The Goob incubation and it is really bothering her.

Yeah only if you are bad ass wizard with crazy power would eyebrows from hell be acceptable.

[Jennifer]

Oh, I remember the post-child molt... it's a little scary even though you're just going back to normal. Gestation is an amazing hair and nail time.

[The Uncanny Canadian]

I don't miss my hair. I look better now than I did 10 years ago. My hair used to be so thick that my hairdresser would make me schedule a double-appointment to cut it. By never counting on it, it never let me down.

Poor Kathleen... this does seem to be her destiny.

[Jennifer]

UC! Congratulations again!

Well, I'm glad you don't miss your hair and you do look good as is (although I've never seen otherwise), however, even when I got charged twice as much for highlights, etc, due to the amount of hair, I still loved every strand of it...