Confessions from someone who hasn't had life beat the crap out of them yet... or crap beat the life out of them yet...

Morning conversation with the youngest lamblet... she's getting her coat on, playing with a fake worm, and waiting for the bus:

"Mom? Do you ever notice being alive?"

"Hmmm? What do you mean??"

"I mean, sometimes I'm really aware that I'm alive. It's funny because I feel so alive it's almost like I'm dreaming... and sometimes when I'm dreaming I feel like I'm awake, but I'm not, so it's odd to be awake and feel like you're dreaming."

"Yes, I know that feeling, actually, both of those feelings. Do you often notice you're alive?"

"Well, I don't really notice it a lot at school, but I do at other times, like when I'm just enjoying something. Everything seems like it glows. Things don't glow at school very often."

"I think things would glow at school more often if they weren't so busy making sure you'll pass the standardized tests...."

"Sometimes I don't like the life cycle. You're born, you live, you die... and then what?"

"Well, some people say you don't fully die... just your bod. You know that feeling you have when you're really alive? Some people say that part goes on, you just shed this vehicle. I'd like to think they're right. I'd like to think that since energy can't die, but only changes form, the spark that is us somehow goes on... but in case it doesn't, it's a good thing to really enjoy the now and to not forget that feeling alive feeling, ok??"

"Ok. Everything seems really alive right now so that's good."

And with that, the bus was coming up the block and it was time for her to head out. As she walked, she looked as it this were the first time she'd stepped foot on the planet. I kind of wanted some of what she was having...

Comments

[Brando]

Serious Brando response: That is a wonderful story, and I think your answer about the cycle of life was very eloquent, touching, and accessible to a child. That's a nice bit of parenting there.

Standard Brando response: I feel very alive when I'm listening to Rush.

[Bill Stankus]

Well, that bus is not taking her to a continuance of bliss. It's more a ride through a gauntlet.

[Jennifer]

Thank you Brando.

As far as Rush goes... I'm sure if you see them in your afterlife, you'll be in heaven. If I do, I've obviously gone to hell. :)

Bill- I did notice the bus said "Buzz Kill" on the side. :(

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Aaah, to be young again!

[Snag]

Serious Snag response: I agree with Brando. It also brings to mind a comment by a friend of mine that he has never in his life felt more alive than when he was a eight-year-old riding his bike down a steep hill.

Standard Snag response: I feel very alive when I'm screaming at my kids to leave the last piece of bacon for me.

[Pinko Punko]

Serious Pinko response: I'm glad you didn't go with "we're worm food, kiddo" without going whole hog on the eaven-hay.

Standard Pinko response: We're just all worm food, kiddo. What do you say to going whole on some hog? That would be heaven.

[Pinko Punko]

What I meant was "while also not going whole hog on the eaven-hay"

[Grizzled]

Aye. The Metra train says buzz kill on the side of it as well....especially since they discontinued the bar-car service....

[Dan Leo]

To quote the Bukowski poem Blue Girl recently quoted: "Let it enfold you."

[fish]

I've linked to this before, but have a little of what she is having...

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

Serious Snag response.

As everybody, I recognize the feeling. I still get it; most often when somebody is doing loud things to musical instruments. Recently, it has happened during the Musical Box, Soul Asylum, Okkervil River, The Mountain Goats....

And of course, last summer at Summerfest, Rush; Young Pilgrim also attended, one of his first 3 hour concerts.

But also, once in a while I get what Tom Waits called The Feel at a drafting table....

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

Also: Dan, Harold and Maude is one of those things that made me a Pilgrim and a Zombie. Wonderful.

[Jennifer]

I'll take responses like these. Reading the real and the silly comments from people I don't know, yet lahve, makes me feel a little more alive... that... and water coloring dissected goats!

And... the thunderstorm we had today. Ahhhhhhhhhh!

[Jennifer]

ZRM- they we placed close together, but I believe fish put up the Harold and Maude link and Dan quoted the wonderful Bukowski poem.

[R.D. Ray]

Nice post Jen. Don't we all wish we were that aware of being alive to the point that things glow. Great kids there.

[Kathleen in Oakland]

I feel very alive when a baby is trying to push herself butt-first out of my side.

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

yes, Jen. Grammar zombies may not have adequate reading comprehension, and are not necessarily aware of all internet traditions.

Plus, I'd like to think there is a connection between Bukowski and Harold and Maude

[Jennifer]

I think there probably is a connection. I just wanted to give credit where credit was due. :)

K- nothing more fun than the cantilevered baby!

Rex- thanks!

[Von]

I love love love this post!! Makes me want to have kids.....wait...wait...nope, it's past. I'll just enjoy everyone else's stories. This is one of the good ones!!

[Shannon Erin]

I love the standardized test comment!