Saying yes...

She's a man, baby!!!

I was taking a break from holiday packing, was reading some Wolcott posts, when I ran across a quiz that determines your blog's gender... if you're an anonymous blogger, it can determine whether the writer of said blog is man or woman.

Well, as we all know, I'm not anonymous and I'm a woman. My name usually gives it away. Jennifer is not exactly a masculine sounding name. I've also discussed being a mother. I've discussed constricting pantyhose, sagging bosoms and my love for my husband.. and yet, what did the Gender Analyzer come up with for me???

It was 63% sure I was a man, baby!!!

And it's not even like I was talking to the analyzer on the phone!!! It couldn't even hear me and still... I'm Sir Jennifer.

Oh well, I'm not upset. I remember taking a human sexuality quiz back in college. I scored an even 50-50 between male and female traits. My professor said that was a good thing... the closer to even, the more balanced the personality, and those that score too far one way or another, are... well, they're annoying.

But still... 63%???

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Enjoy your bird, enjoy your family. Travel safely if you're traveling.

Hugs and kisses,

Sir Jennifer

One more video before I go...

This video has nothing to do with anything other than a good laugh. I only wish Tim Robbins had broken into some Flashdancing...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Soon, we will gather together...

I thought I'd part with a clip from one of my favorite Thanksgiving movies. Heck, it's one of my favorite movies, period.

No matter how much you love your relatives and want to get together, holidays can also be like traversing a minefield... 

Meet you back on the other side.

Oops

I, apparently, reset something during my Galaxy Quest-blogging dream because now I can only show 50 blogs on my blog roll... I've been over and over the TypeList pages, but nothing is showing up as an option to expand a list beyond 50. Maybe I need to break them down into categories. That ain't happenin' today. My apologies to anyone who is presently excluded from the list... not that anyone is scouring the list...

Look! I have one job on this lousy blog, it's *stupid*, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?

I was awake in the middle of the night again... I awoke to the sound of the dog gacking. I got up to see if they were dry gacks or if he was ruining furniture or rugs with actual regurgitation. I found nothing, but decided to sleep on the couch in case he needed to go outside.

At some point he settled down and I drifted off into a sleep filled with bizarre dreams. In one, my eldest lamblet was telling me how in Spanish, if you are using the title, Senor, you don't need to use an extra "your" in the sentence since there is already one in there.

Huh? I didn't get it so asked for an example. She replied that if you were saying, "Senor, your house is on fire!" the your was redundant since there was already a "your" in Senor. Instead, you would just say, "Senor house is on fire!"

I explained that just because she used the title, Senor, did not mean she was speaking Spanish... she was, in fact, speaking English and that a "your" was necessary for the meaning of the sentence, that the way it sounded now, Senor's last name was "house is on fire". She rolled her eyes in typical tweener fashion and told me I just wasn't getting it. She's right. I wasn't.

I probaby made a mental note about blogging about that because in my next dream, I was opening up TypePad to start a new post. TypePad has upgraded and changed quite a bit in the past few months. I'm not sure I get all of the bells and whistles yet... or rather, I know I don't. I just try to fake it.

In my dream, I was opening up the "compose a new post" page when I was suddenly transported from my desk chair to some virtual room that looked like the command deck in Galaxy Quest and I was in the captain's chair. In front of me were 3 large screens that held all of the usual TypePad options along with some I hadn't seen before. There were a number of buttons and levers on the arms of my chair and apparently I was supposed to be using those to write up my new post. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and thought TypePad had gone too far and was now obviously powered by a beryllium sphere. Some improvements were fine, but this whole virtual composition deck was too much.

I don't know if I ever got anything posted... my dream morphed into a holiday party and then into the bright light of day.

Over morning coffee, I relayed the dreams to Grizzled. He got a kick out of the Senor dream and now everything is "Senor garden looks beautiful!" "Senor zipper is unzipped"... you get it. I think I may live to regret telling him about the blogging/command deck dream. He's now asking me if I'm a blogging control freak. I believe one of his exact comments was, "Are you in control of your blog?!?! You're not supposed to control it, baby! You're supposed guide it!" and then he made the screeching noise from when Tommy Webber tried to steer the NSEA Protector out of its dock. Nice...

He doesn't understand... or maybe he does. All I know is, by Grabthar's Hammer! My blogging will be avenged!

Trash cans are serious business!!

About two months ago, our beloved kitchen Bullet Trash Can bit the dust after approximately 12+ years of dedicated service. It was time for a new can. I was tempted to get another Bullet, but our place could really use something a little more streamlined.  I remembered a can that Nancy Nall had waxed poetic about... she referred to it as the i-Pod of trash cans... I checked it out. I showed Grizzled. We agreed to give the can from Simple Human a try.

It arrived on October 9th with accompanying fanfare. I was amazed at how little space it took up while still having adequate capacity. I loved the lid-action. The fingerprint-proof exterior was also nice, although it was not proving to be dog-snout-print-proof... Still, we were happy.

And then it started to make noises... like it had gas... Not explosive gas, but gas just the same. It wasn't really obnoxious, but you couldn't throw something away without laughing. As the lid closed, it would make this low rumble. Grizzled thought it might be the pistons, and this morning, suggested I send their customer service people an email. I did just that, but I refrained from telling them it sounded like the can was passing gas, instead I told them it kind of... mooed.

This is a portion of what I wrote:

...Our lid "moos" when it closes... not a loud moo, but a long, sustained moo that doesn't stop until the lid is shut. Do we have a problem with our pistons??

We don't necessarily mind the mooing, but are worried this means something isn't working correctly and that further trouble is down the road.

Well, to their credit, they emailed back less than 5 hours later, said we had an issue with our "air dampers" and would be sending new ones out that we could replace ourselves. Thank goodness Grizzled has that assembly gland in his body, because I would most likely be lost...

I was thrilled with their fast response and their willingness to stand by their product, but don't you think if someone wrote you and told you their garbage can moooed, you might acknowledge that? I don't think I could NOT. I'd probably have to ask what kind of mooing it was and did it come sound more like a Holstein or a Guernsey?? Was ita contented moo from a contented cow or a disgruntled moo???

Oh well, I guess they take their products seriously and for that I should be thankful. Who knows, maybe I'm not the first. Maybe this is a common complaint and the email will end up in their FAQ's... "My garbage can moos. Is this a bad thing??"

various ramblings on internet searches

I gave my blog stats a thorough check-up this morning. I hadn't really looked at them in awhile. We're moving into the holidays so I know any of my cookie/Christmas/snow posts will get hits. I tend to get a lot of hits for Micheal McDonald t-shirts... can't imagine why?? Next in line would be actual questions regarding fate. I always find it an odd combo of funny and sad when a Googler is using the internet as a Magic 8 Ball. This morning's search question?

"What am I to do with my life??" This made my chest ache almost as much as the one search I had where the person asked the All-Powerful Google, "Why am I not meant for greatness?"

Why they got sent to my place, I have no idea. I believe I've used the word "life" in a post before... that, and I am living...perhaps these are the only credentials necessary to help this person. I hope they found the answers. If not, I'll give them the answers... stop looking to The Great Google to solve all search problems and just live. By the time you get to the end of your life, you will have done something, and hence, will have the answer... I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but by the time I'm done, I realize I had been doing something...

Someone stopped by looking for "nice sayings about life" and ended up lollygagging around in my "life is too short" catagory. I bet that's not what they were looking for...

One googler in Singapore stopped here after entering the words, "Tina Fey's husband short". I've mentioned Tina Fey's husband, Jeff Richmond, here before. I took a singing class from him and he also accompanied some of my Level 5 shows when I was going through Second City. I don't think I ever written about him being short. I guess I never noticed, but then I married someone 2 inches shorter than I am. I always assumed I'd marry a tall man, but when it came right down to it, it was so not an issue. I'm guessing Tina thought the same thing. Maybe the person in Singapore was looking for reassurance that a shorter man could indeed make a life with a taller woman. Or... maybe he's just a weirdo.

The search that most tickled my bawdy funny bone though was for "Christmas Balls". I couldn't help but wonder if the person thought Christmas was masculine. Even if it is, I always considered it neutral. Maybe Christmas itself was googling and it wanted its balls back! Christmas has been a bit lame lately... No one likes a castrated Christmas including, Christmas. Maybe Bill O'Reilly needs to start a campaign about putting the balls back in Christmas, dammit!!!

"I'm mother-f*&*ing Christmas and I'm gonna kick yer ass!!! I'll put my decorations anywhere I damn well please!!!"

On that note, it's time to get some work done...

A Marketing Man's Dream

That's what Grizzled calls me. I prefer to think of myself as optimistic and believing in possibilities...

Over the years though, I've come to learn that not all you hear is true and the old adage, *if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is*, is correct... but still... I really, really, really want to get that Shamwow... even if consumers have written in to complaint sites calling it "Scamwow" and "Shamsucks". Part of me still wants to believe it will work and will solve all of my spill-needs...

There are many times though when someone says I need to try something, that I will. When fish said that the Trader Joe's Marcona Almonds with Rosemary were the best snack going, I made a mental note. I like Marcona almonds... I like rosemary... Yesterday, while running errands, Grizzled and I found ourselves next to a Trader Joe's. I had to buy them. We weren't disappointed. Of course I already had an endorphin boost from the milk chocolate/hazelnut bar we scored in the checkout, but the almonds were really good. It was the rosemary that pushed them into the stratosphere.

I sent fish an email later in the day, thanking him for the suggestion, to which he responded that he was kind of amazed I'd take a suggestion from a stranger who lives some 800 miles away... a stranger who pretends to be a fish.

PRETENDS?!!!?@!!

Wha?!?!?  You mean, he's not a... fish???

Next thing I know, I'm going to find out that Blue Girl is not really blue... and Snag is not a vulture. At least I know Zombie Rotten McDonald is real.

Evil Urges

Ok, I've been listening to this song on the radio since it came out last June. For some reason I always thought it was Prince! I never listened closely enough to hear who it was, but the falsetto of the lead singer and the main guitar made me think of him or of one of his songs. I'm sure Pinko's already discussed this in Song of the Day at least 3 months ago...

The song was playing on the car radio on my way back home and I managed to be cognizant enough to look at the radio. Our car radio says the name of the song and the artist that is currently playing. It's not Prince... Oh well. I don't care who it is. I still like it.

It's FRIDAY!!@!

This song popped into my head this morning. I hadn't thought of these guys in awhile, but it seemed like the perfect weekend tune...