Meet your western judges

As we approach the crucial tipping point in the bake-off competition, the process of judging, some of you may have been asking, "Who are these judges and what gives them the right to determine who wins and who doesn't?"

We are well aware of the saying, "Those who live in gingerbread houses should not throw sour milk"... or something like that, so let us reassure you of the intensity and sincerity with which we take our duty! Every cookie will be given due process. Every baked item will have its say.

Now let's meet the judges!

Grizzled is especially capable of judging because he, at one point in his life, actually wore a Keebler Elf hairdo! What more does a cookie judge need? While he has not spent anytime baking cookies in the trunks of trees, he did have that certain je ne

sais

coif.

Grizzled has also been known to utter the all important line, "Food! It's my favorite dish!"  Now who wouldn't like that quality in a judge! He's open to anything. He probably rivals UC in what he will and has eaten. Your cookies will be paramount in is mind merely because they're here and ready to eat.

Grizzled is also an Eagle Scout. He may have belonged to the only ramshackle troop in history, a troop more concerned with Frank Zappa than merit badges, and had his Scout papers signed by Richard Nixon... , but he is trustworthy and is prepared to judge your cookies.

Your next western judge is none other than ME! And why am I capable of the serious task of judging your baked goods? Do I wear seriouspants? No, but I do wear serious glasses and anything I look at looks like a serious task to me.

On top of that, I WON LAST YEAR! I'M STILL THE QUEEN! I'LL JUDGE WHATEVER I WANT!!!1

Sorry... Aside from that, I know how much work and shuffling it takes to squeeze baking for a half-assed bake-off into this time of year. I'll give your entry the time and respect it deserves... right before I share it with the family and we wolf it.

The goods are starting to show up! Mandos' has arrived. Claire's has officially touched down, with Brando's not to far behind. The word is, Snag's is going out tomorrow. (Snag, we have Milkbones so don't worry about adding those.)

And now... off to the judging!

Note: No matter how many times I type this and re-enter, I cannot get the damn je ne sais coif to line up... it keeps breaking it apart. I'm leaving it. So there. Judge me.

Comments

[Claire]

That picture of you IS TOO CUTE!! Good luck with your tough task!

[shayera]

How adorable are you two!

[Dan Leo]

I wish I had thought of "Je ne sais coif".

[billy pilgrim]

I think you're being giddy.

Giddy with power.

Cookie Dick Cheney and Bak-o-leeza Rice.

[fish]

Grizzled has a certain poisson de la vie.

[shayera]

You guys have matching glasses.
And Bak-o-leeza Rie? Flat out had me in hysterics for 5 minutes.

[shayera]

or Rice. My typing fingers stink.

[Kathleen]

you're like Harry Potter before there *was* a Harry Potter!!

[Jennifer]

fish- why I am not surprised that a fish would see it like that?

Shayera- I, too, loved Bake-o-leeza Rice, but damn TypePad wouldn't let me comment.

Kathleen- are you implying I'm old?!?! :) My father was all Harry before Harry. Still is to some degree.

[blue girl]

Those pictures are adorable.

And Jennifer, may I say, you are a total Funky Winkerbean!

Too cute for words.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Adorable, eh? Did y'all forget about AG?!!

J-Lo, does this mean AG has to put up photos? I don't know if UC or AG have any kiddies photos. I think mine are all still in storage and AG's mother breaks computers, not uses them for e-mailing people. Hmmm.

Schmoopies, didn't you have a baby picture of me or am I being confused about something? I thought I once tried to give you one.

I may have some in a small group of photos that are not in the storage unit. Otherwise, I may have to ask my Aunties to help me out.

[Jennifer]

AG- you may put up photos if you like. It's been no means mandatory. I just wanted an excuse to show off Grizzled's elfin do. :)

Thanks BG. :)

[Chuckles]

Mine will be mailed tomorrow and I will be posting more pictures/trash talk tonight.

Yes, I will be baking and posting while drunk again, thanks to the office holiday party today.

[Brando]

I see what's going on here. You're feinting with cute, adorable pictures of yourselves so we won't see the Fist of Harsh Judgment getting ready to pound our cookies into crumbs (if UPS hasn't done that already).

BTW, UPS tracker says cookies should show tomorrow.

[Mary Jane]

With that testimony of charachter... If I am ever on trial... for some haneous crime...like bad taste(buds) or something, I will be requesting the two of you to be on the jury!!

[Jennifer]

Brando- Shhhhhhhh!!

MJ- it's a deal.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Sweet Cookie Jesus, I think she meant to say:

Effin' hair do.

Just sayin'...

[Jennifer]

LOL!

[Kathleen]

cookies are baked and are sitting here on my desk. I am just waiting for a break in work to go to the mail sending place.

ps. I also sort-of made the best video ever. E.V.E.R.

[billy pilgrim]

Silly me.

I thought this was a BAKING contest, not a video-off.

Glitz and glam, all a sham.

[Jennifer]

Don't be bitter, billy...

[endive]

I'm bitter.

[pill]

So am I...

[Angostura]

Don't forget me.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Um, videos at You Tube are allowed, BP.

Instead of policing grammar, maybe you should learn to read the rules.

Geesh.

[billy pilgrim]

Oh, maybe I misread the contest....let's see here (rustle of paper as I open the original rules) ...here we go.

[reading in a loud, manly, authoritative and justified voice. Think Mike Rowe, or maybe Paul Robeson] "Rules for the 2007 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, Whattya Gonna Do About It? Bake-off "

Oh, I guess I could see how one might make the mistake that the Bake-Off is actually about baking, SINCE IT SAYS SO RIGHT IN THE MOTHER-LOVIN TITLE OF THE BAKE-OFF, [YEAH, I SAID MOTHER-LOVIN, WHATTAYA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?]

Next year, let's make the Bake-Off about ice sculptures!! Or Pony-Shaving!! Maybe gigantic moose construction!!!!

Sheesh your own bad self.

[New York Law Firm]

billy, don't be a hero.

[Jennifer]

Hey, I'm all about the ice sculptures and gigantic moose construction!! We can pass on the pony-shaving...

[Jennifer]

BP- The NY Law Firm is correct... don't be a hero, go home and bake with your wife.

[Jennifer]

I forgot to add... I think BP has a man-crush on Mike Rowe. He dreams about him, fantasizes about his voice...

[New York Law Firm]

See?

That's what I'm on about!!

Nobody's about the Baked Goods anymore!!

In my day, a bake-off was a BAKE-OFF, General Mills be damned, and the top cooks would have it out with pastries at close quarters while the lesser bakers would choose up sides and swing away with ten pound sacks of flour...

[Jennifer]

I bet Billy's envisioning Mike Rowe swinging those 10 lbs sacks of flour... those bulging biceps and glistening triceps...

I nearly typed, "triceratops". :) Mike Rowe has some awesome triceratops!

[billy pilgrim]

You know, baked triceratops is pretty darn tasty... but then, you wouldn't be interested in anything baked, would you?

mmmmm....pre-extinctiony!!

[Jennifer]

Nope! We're not interested in anything baked here at the Bribe-Off!