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December 10, 2007


Geez Louise.

Am I allowed to say that?

Has Louise SomethingorOther patented that phrase?

I Googled "Bake-off" thinking a gazillion sites other than Pillsbury would pop up, but they've really got a lock on it.


But, Jennifer...when I Googled "holiday bake-off" -- guess what two sites popped up on the first page?

The Queens better be careful!

I have an official General Mills Pillsbury Dough boy baseball cap that I am willing to donate as a prize to one of the winners. So... I believe that qualifies General Mills as a proud sponsor of your Holiday BAKE-OFF!!!

I like General Mills' cereal and everything, but fuck them if they try to shut us down. I promise to continue with the contest despite any legal actions by any corporation. FIGHT THE POWER! Like, Dude.

Chuckles, I have patented the term, "FIGHT THE POWER!"

You will be hearing from my lawyers.

I have a phrase for General Mills that does use "off", there is an ingredient substitution for "Bake" though...

BG- You're right! They don't use holiday!!

MJ- You're too generous. If GM gives us grief, maybe the hat could be burned in effigy.

Chuckles... "Like, Dude"?? :)

fish- I was thinking the very same thing.
FYI- I have it on good authority that your submission is arriving sometime today.

Fish, you are so naughty.

The way AG likes ya...

Holiday Bake-Off. Eat that legal cobagz!

I would call General Mills "jerk offs" but they have that phrase patented too.

We have one batch of cookies done and plan to do the other tonight, so we should be shipping shortly.

We are available for hire.

Bill O'Reilly's only patented the term "Falafel-Off."

I think Bill would just be happy if he could get off.

Is there some kind of baking competition going on?

Why doesn't anybody ever TELL me these things?

The bake-off deadline may be 11 days from today, but I'm hungry !!!NOW!!! people. I think the judging will definitely be gentler on those who expedite the baking and delivery of cookies.

In protest to General Mills and their legal shenanigans, I am going to SINK all of my Cheerios. See how they like that!!!

BP- nothing is going on. Just never you mind. Get back to work.

UC- you're always hungry. Might I suggest these.

Out of stock!!!!!!!!!!! How cruel. How cute. How delicious. I'm so conflicted, yet still hungry.

I would like to remind everyone that at the time my entry was proposed, there was nothing in the rules about the entrant having to mix and bake their cookies with their own hands. Of course, I could lie about it and pretend to have been mixed and baked in America, by Idyllopus, but she's an honest sort. (Cough.) So I'm left sitting on my shelf, broken, in my box. Despondent. In the dark, dark box. Alone. On the shelf. Next to the stuffed dinosaur that needs sewing up and the ignored camera and not two paces from the hermit crabs that have been moulting since early November. No festive confectioner's icing to adorn me and no Elmer's glue to hold together my gingerbread cookies which are hard as rocks and probably three years old (at least). All their brothers and sisters long gone. All. And I had a lot of brothers and sisters, too. But me, I was despised. And broken to boot. Physically. Before ever having been removed from the box, I lay there physically broken, but hopeful as I passed through Ellis Island. Surely the land of the free wouldn't hold it against me that I was broken upon arrival. But then I was despised, y'know, as an entry in the © BAKE OFF, the rules changed at the last minute in a blatant act of prejudice against my depressing Swedishness (so I suspect, despite ABBA, who did their best to make up for Bergman). So, now I'm truly broken. Emotionally broken. Forgotten behind the uneaten Chinese fortune cookies.




Dear Ikea Gingerbread House-

I'm sorry to hear about your dashed hopes and broken dreams. We'll consider you as an entry if and only if you doll yourself up as a Gingerbread House of Ill-Repute.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?


I think Ikea Gingerbread House should be Bergman's next movie. If he weren't, you know, dead.

UC will take the Ikea GH. E-mail AG for an address.

He has no shame. The boy wants to re-name the RoD bake-off to:

"Feed UC's Muppethole and Win Prizes Contest"
-Trademark and patent pending, cobagz.

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