I
don’t have a very good sense of direction so I don’t know why that wouldn’t
pertain to my life direction as well.
I
wonder if a midlife crisis is merely becoming aware of the fact that you’re
life is off course, or maybe not even off course, just off of the course you
assumed it would be on.
I
think there’s a part of us that always has a plan for how our lives are going
to turn out and a few end up exactly where they thought they’d be. Maybe they’re
connected to a LPPS (Life Path Positioning Satellite). The rest of us, well, we
take turns, sometimes turns we’re told we should, and we get lost. We make
little choices on our trips, choices that seem interesting or necessary, but
they take us off of our path, the path we assume we’ll always be on, should be
on. We end up somewhere else instead of our intended destination and its not
even that the destination we arrived at is bad, it’s just our brain is still
trying to make sense out of the fact that it’s not the destination we chose or
were told to take some 10-20 years ago.
Maybe
a midlife crisis is not so much about getting back on track with our original
destination as it is learning to accept the fact that our destination, for one
reason or another, changed and we’re no longer where we assumed we’d be and
that’s ok.
Somewhere
along the ride I stopped riding solo. I picked up a man, I added two children
and all of the baggage that traveling with others entails. You don’t travel the
same when you’re traveling with others, especially others who have their own
internal maps, their own preconceived destinations.
I
need to stop judging my trip and my destinations in terms of a solo traveler. I
need to stop judging my trip in terms of the maps that were handed to me in my
youth, maps made out by others. Maybe instead of being off track, I am more on
track than I’ve ever been.
But
then again… I could be lost.
I have never had a "plan." And no one ever gave me marching orders to what my plan should have been. I've just pretty much stumbled from one thing to another. It's all worked out pretty well, too. Luckily. I'm sure I could've stumbled into the wrong areas more than a few times. I haven't hit the period in my life where I'm scanning for "more" yet. And I'm not too, too melancholy about my lost youth. Sometimes I am, but not too often. It more amazes me than makes me sad.
The Skimmer has, though. And his crisis is manifesting itself by him wanting to run a marathon. It's more "physical" with him than emotional. Well, it's emotional in the way that he wants to prove "he still can." He's been training for six weeks. He just ran 16 miles the other day. 16 miles! He comes home ready to collapse and it worries me.
I wish he'd go through this in a more stereotypical way and just buy a little red convertible. Cuz I'd love to drive one!
Posted by: blue girl | September 15, 2007 at 03:08 PM
You can buy The Skimmer a convertible to celebrate his finishing the marathon!
Good luck to him. I did a 60 mile/3 day walk a few years ago with one day's total equaling a marathon. There is no way in hell I would have wanted to run that or could have!!
Go Skimmer!
Posted by: Jennifer | September 15, 2007 at 03:27 PM
Y'know, Jen, we can plan all we want, but life has a way of just taking that plan out of our hands, ripping it up and letting the pieces fly away in the wind. That's just life. When you think about it, just about every novel, movie and play that has ever been made is about life doing this.
Posted by: Dan Leo | September 15, 2007 at 03:34 PM
Dan- your comments make me want to seek solace in the wise and witty words of one Arnold Schnabel.
Posted by: Jennifer | September 15, 2007 at 03:38 PM
60 miles in three days? That's huge! How come you did that? Was it some sort of fundraiser? Or just for, um, fun?
:)
Dan's right. And his comment was pretty...life has a way of just taking that plan out of our hands, ripping it up and letting the pieces fly away in the wind
It made me want to rent a bunch of really good movies. You know, the kind where you blubber like a baby.
Posted by: blue girl | September 15, 2007 at 04:37 PM
Yes BG- It was just for fun. :)
Yes, it was a fundraiser. The Breast Cancer 3-Day deal. I walked all 60 miles and raised $14,000.00!! I also lost 5 toenails from getting blisters UNDER them! Who knew! The Skimmer probably knows.
Yes, Dan's comment was pretty. As for blubbering at movies, I can blubber at almost any movie. This would have to be one where you blubber and want to yell, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" when they don't take the direction you want them to... when Katie walks away from Hubble. :(
Posted by: Jennifer | September 15, 2007 at 04:46 PM
Yep, The Skimmer's feet are banged up. And so is his one knee. Blue Kid's like, "Why is dad doing this??!!" And I'm like, "Just support him."
Katie and Hubble...:(
That's one of my favorites.
Oh! I know what will make you feel better. Just rent a bunch of Robert Redford movies. He's just so gorgeous, you can't help but be happier just by watching him walk and talk. We watched "The Natural" the other night. My God! He's so handsome.
Posted by: blue girl | September 15, 2007 at 04:54 PM
Redford is gorgeous. End of story.
Posted by: Jennifer | September 15, 2007 at 05:02 PM
As Bill Hicks said "It's Just a ride."
Is it Buddhism that says life is about the Journey, not the destination?
Because we all wind up in the same place.
Life planning needs to be about how you get there.
Which isn't about red convertibles. As Neddie Jingo will tell you, it's about a sweet bike.
....and, of course, a chili dog.
Posted by: billy pilgrim | September 15, 2007 at 05:35 PM
Yes, BP, it is about the ride. I'm just not to sure about the town I'm going through right now...
And yes, a chili dog makes all the difference!
Posted by: Jennifer | September 15, 2007 at 05:41 PM
Chili dogs were banned. They are sooo last week, Billy P.
Gawd.
I don't know. I had a plan. It changed when I didn't pursue a PhD. So far, I'm glad I didn't.
I had a talk in Raleigh last night with a college friend. We were talking about how we're the only ones not married out of our friends. She said it was because we didn't sell. We hate bullshit. We abhor it.
I felt really good about that. I guess I never worried about my plan because it was mainly to never become my parents. I have not. I met the plan.
It's all good.
I guess I went it with low expectations. I came out better than most.
It's all about low expectations.
They rarely disappoint.
Except in Billy P.'s case. He always disappoints me in the low expectations I have for him.
I think it's because he yaps about chili dogs. As thoug it's 1987 and he's a wanna be material girl. Or something like that.
Posted by: Adorable Girlfriend | September 15, 2007 at 09:14 PM
Crap...sell is supposed to be settle.
That is the last time I drink in First Class and come home and blog.
OK, not the last time because y'all would never see me.
Posted by: Adorable Girlfriend | September 15, 2007 at 09:16 PM
i've got many plans here that i have torn to shreds including my own. every so often, it seems that i tear up whatever plans currently exist and try to chart new ones, much to the disbelief of everyone around me.
plus now i got banned, so plans aren't of much use now. a banned life is a happy life!
Posted by: almostinfamous | September 16, 2007 at 11:56 AM
Well, no wonder you never got hooked up, AG, if you can't tell the difference between selling and settling.
Low expectations have always been my friend.
It's fine to have plans. But, just to sound like a motivational poster, life is what happens while you're making plans.
Posted by: billy pilgrim | September 16, 2007 at 03:23 PM
It is about the journey, and not the destination.
It's also about the company you keep.
Posted by: mdhatter | September 16, 2007 at 08:18 PM
I've been thinking a lot in the last few weeks about how my life is nothing like I expected it to be when I was 18. And how I'm actually mostly really glad about it.
I think the roads we never planned to take are the more interesting and fun ones.
Posted by: shayera | September 16, 2007 at 08:42 PM
I read an old seventh-grade essay of mine a while ago, on the topic of what I hoped to become. I can assure you, my life is nothing like that.
Nor is it anything like I thought it would be when I was 15 or 25 or any of the other years that have passed since. Add the kids, the spouse, the mortgage, the career, and it's all like I'm playing someone else's part. But it's worked out in the end. I might not have picked it for myself if someone had given me the choice, but now I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Posted by: Snag | September 17, 2007 at 12:14 AM
A friend's website has this as its tag: "Not all those who wander are lost."
I'm thinking of taking that as a good piece of advice.
I'm just not sure where to start. Maybe that's the trick.
Posted by: Mendacious D | September 17, 2007 at 10:14 AM
Maybe a midlife crisis is not so much about getting back on track with our original destination as it is learning to accept the fact that our destination, for one reason or another, changed and we’re no longer where we assumed we’d be and that’s ok.
I love this line. I always think of Dirk Gently when I get lost. Find someone who looks like they know where they are going and follow them. You may not end up where you intended to be, but you'll end up where you're supposed to be. Or something. Holistic.
Anyhow, love you. :)
Posted by: Claire | September 17, 2007 at 03:21 PM
What a nice bunch of comments. Maybe everybody is going through a mid-life crisis all the time.
AG, I think the Freudian slip of "sell" for "settle" is great, and maybe even better than "settle"; because, really, isn't so much of life this tedious selling of yourself, and who the hell wants to do that?
Posted by: Dan Leo | September 17, 2007 at 09:55 PM
Claire, that is awesome! i almost forgot about Svlad Cjelli :)
must.be.holistic!
Posted by: almostinfamous | September 17, 2007 at 10:05 PM
A nice bunch of comments indeed. I've just been letting them sink in.
This group is always more than ready to discuss the evils of sink lettuce and the wonders of bacon, but if you put up something a tad more serious, they heed the call.
Posted by: Jennifer | September 18, 2007 at 06:16 AM
Don't underestimate the true value of the sink lettuce or the bacon lessons of life. They can be truly teaching moments, too.
Oh, and moose. Don't forget the moose.
I won't even finish this comment the way billy pilgrim would...
Posted by: blue girl | September 18, 2007 at 06:51 AM
BG, the chili dog is wounded....
Make sure to have a Chili Dog at the Genesis show!
True story.
Posted by: billy pilgrim | September 18, 2007 at 11:04 AM
I thought chili dogs were so, like, two weeks ago?
Can't you start a new thing to celebrate and run into the ground? Like...
And TwoAllBeefPattiesSpecialSauceLettuceCheesePicklesOnionsOnASesameSeedBun?
Posted by: blue girl | September 18, 2007 at 06:10 PM