Peep Jerky

I just did something I would tell my kids never to do… I ate a Peep that was at least 18 months old… possibly even older. While going to get the box of remaining Halloween decorations (okay, I’m a little late) I noticed the Easter box was open. Its contents being too jumbled to close properly, I had to take out the box, rearrange the baskets, etc, but what did I find while sorting? I found a Peep… a post-Easter Peep. A Peep that somehow never made it down anyone’s gullet.

 

Now I know there are various schools of thought on the proper aging of a Peep for the utmost Peep pleasure. They fall into roughly 3 categories. 1) There is no Peep pleasure! People who do not like Peeps and would never eat one no matter what their age. 2) People who like them as fresh and squishy as can be, and 3) People who like *stale* Peeps. I fall into category 3 and prefer to think of them as aged.

 

A fresh Peep to me tastes just like a marshmallow coated in sugar. What’s the point? I like my Peeps to be leathery, to have not been sealed up in a plastic-coated box, but rather to have lived a little. It is after a Peep has been exposed to the air and to time itself that Peep magic takes place and a Peep starts tasting like a Peep. It’s a combination of taste, texture and even scent. They start smelling like Peeps, not just sugar.

 

Well, today I found the Extreme Peep. I found one that had to have been at least 18 months old, but was more likely 30 months old… it was blue (yes, it was originally blue, it was not blue with mold!) and I don’t recall the rabbit delivering blue Peeps last year. I think he opted for the more classic yellow chick. I have to admit, I was torn. I stared at the Peep for a good long time, noting its surface. It appeared to be intact. I then gently tapped the Peep against a tabletop, listening to its sound. It was definitely not fresh. If you hit a fresh Peep against a tabletop, you get a *thwumph* sound if any sound at all. A staler Peep is more of a sharp *THWACK*. This was definitely in THWACK range, but was not the *WHACK!* I was expecting. I poked, I prodded, and then I thought… for the advancement of Peep culinary science, I was going to have to taste this. I was going to have to see if aging a Peep, like wine, increases its nuance and complexity. Of course wine is aged in specially prepared wooden casks. My Peep was aged in plastic grass and cardboard. Oh who cares! Surely it can’t be *bad*. It’s sugar! Sugar doesn’t really rot. It’s not like eating an egg that’s been sitting in the attic for over 2 years. Besides, I was guessing the heat of the attic in the summer might have desiccated it a tad. It could be Peep Jerky. On the other hand, this could be the Holy Grail of stale Peeps. This could be leathery Peep heaven! I took a bite.

 

I am slightly saddened to say that it was not the Holy Grail of leathery Peeps, but it had instead veered into the textural category of a Circus Peanut. Not bad… not *spit it out asap* bad, but it wasn’t really *good* either. Apparently Peep magic has a shelf-life. This was returning to *tasting like sugar*… like a semi-crystallized marshmallow. The Peep nuance I had hoped for was not there. And even though it had the texture of the Circus Peanut, my brain now expecting that unique petro-chemical banana flavor, that flavor was not there. It merely tasted old and tired. I suppose spending a few seasons in the extreme temperatures of the attic had not been kind to the Peep. Perhaps I should do a more controlled study. At which point does Peep magic truly start to fade and the leathery quality break down?

 

I’m still walking though, so at least the antique Peep was not poisonous… I think I may have to make a 1 year rule for myself much like the 5 second rule for food items that fall on the floor… Don’t eat anything that has been in your attic for over a year, no matter how innocuous it might seem.

Comments

[blue girl]

I like stale Peeps, too. Or, I should say -- I like the *idea* of stale Peeps. Actually eating them is a whole nother issue. I want them to be good. I want to enjoy them. But, they just don't do anything for me in the end.

Those circus peanuts gag me. I can't even stand the smell of them. You described the taste perfectly ... "petro-chemical banana flavor."

You know what I'm absolutely hooked on now? Pinwheel Cookies. Ever had one? They're so fake and processed. Fake marshmallow, fake chocolate -- I LOVE THEM! I could eat (and do eat) the entire package in one sitting.

I'm totally hooked on them right now.

:)

[Jennifer]

Pinwheel cookies... I do know them. I wonder how they would taste after a year in the attic?!?! :)

Circus Peanuts are indeed nasty. Sometimes I find them intriguing, but other times I just think some insane person invented them. You make something the shape of a peanut, color it melon orange and then make it taste like synthetic banana! Yeah!! Now that'll sell! But the scary thing is, they did and still are! I tried to roast one once over a campfire... it melts like rayon! That can't be good.

I wonder what the Pin Wheel would do in a microwave???

[blue girl]

:)

I could totally go for a few Pinwheel cookies right now. The other night I was going to town on a whole package, went upstairs, came back down and the package was gone. The Skimmer had thrown the package away and there was still one left!

I was REALLY upset!

:)

[Scott]

melts like rayon, sung to the tune of "Lips Like Sugar"

Fighting the urge to run out and get a Hostess Apple Pie and a Mountain Dew - my former favorite breakfast. Isn't it about time for orange Sno-Balls to reappear?

[Jennifer]

Scott- I'll now have that song with those lyrics in my head ALL DAY!

Wanna come over??? I'll run out and get some N'Dew for you and some scuzzy pies. Now those pies had some petro-chemical action going on as well!

What kind of cake did they use for orange snowballs?? Chocolate? Buh! I never cared for those, any of the flavors, but I was fond of the Little Debbie "Banana Flip"!

[grasshopper]

The problem might not be the Peeps'; it just might be you. Though, perhaps not since you said you anticipated that petro-artificial flavor with pleasure. But maybe what you recall as, oh, a flicker of joy just this side of life-transforming, was not as great as you remember. I used to love stale Peeps, three to six months old. The thwack test never occurred to me. But the last time I stashed one among my rejection slips, and at about the right time, Peeps-texture-wise, let my processed, synthetic flavored sugar craving have its way with me, guess what? The thrill was gone!
At least I still have candy corn, though, especially the ones with fake chocolate tops.

[Jennifer]

Hey Grasshopper! You are right, the thrill of Peeps is short-lived. I still like a stale one or two once a year, but this one was TOO stale!

Wow- candy corn... a little of that goes a long way for me. I think they could take most candy away and just leave chocolate!

[Adorable Girlfriend]

That's so funny! I never liked Peeps, so I myself wouldn't have eaten it.

Having said that, my favorite Far Side is the one where they show the Peep factory on a humid day. All the Peeps are oozing out of the windows and doors.

[Jennifer]

AG- The Peep I ate probably WAS oozing this summer during the 100+ degree attic heat! I think I would have thought twice about eating him the... but today, he had leathery appeal kind of like Robert Redford. I do hope though that Robert Redford wouldn't be as disappointing.

[blue girl]

Oooooh. Now I could definitely eat Robert Redford up!

[blue girl]

I'd take him over a Pinwheel anyday!

:)

[Jennifer]

Yeah, I don't think there is an age limit on Robert Redford.

[kane bennett]

it is sooooo good i had it in my class and i love it my teachers name is mr. gail and he is a peep jerky fan!!!

[Jennifer]

Viva la Peep Jerky!