Mr. Handsome has developed a taste for tomatoes. He's a known apple junkie, but I guess has decided to branch out to Love Apples as well. If I'm not swift and alert when passing our row of tomato plants, Mr. H manages to stealthily snag one, whereupon he makes a beeline for the house, and once inside the house, makes another beeline for the top of the stairs where he crunsh, crunsh, crunshes... I've seen this happen enough that I know now what to look for before coming in... his mouth, semi-shut, lips in an o formation. Also, copious amounts of drool cascading down from his drooping drool sacs.
The below photo was taken right after he devoured his top of the stairs snack and decided to venture back down to see if he was in trouble. I don't know... do you think he looks guilty?
Another animal that is finding food in our yard is one of a pair of hummingbirds that hangs out. This one though has taken to perching on the feeder for 30 minutes or more every morning. Excuse the crappy photos, but I have to take them between blind slats. I can open the slats and it won't bother her, but if I pull the blind all the way up, there's not enough to distract her from the coffee-drinking human on the other side of the pane.
The refrain reminds me of something from maybe... the 80's?? The 90's?? Oh hell, I don't know. I just know it reminds me of something as does her autotuned voice. I like it, don't get me wrong, I just can't place it. Also, after hearing the "someone let the gate open" song in it's entirity... and not just the damn Citibank commercial, which made me want to heave the TV out the window... I realize it's not nearly that bad.
Also... pretty soon we won't have to say, "Heave the TV out the window." TV's don't weigh nearly what they used to. We finally replaced an old behemoth that took two strapping men to carry... it was replaced with something that weighs a tenth what it did and was less expensive, but is still better quality! Go figure.
In a handful of days, I turn 50. It's a fact. Yes, yes, I know, it's better than the alternative, but I have to say, it's fucking with me... not all of the time, but during those moments when my guard is down.
It does not compute. 50 is my parents' age. 50 belongs to my aunts and uncles, or older siblings. I'm the baby of the family, how can I be 50???
Not to mention the fact that I'm still fighting inner wars and dramas from 15, 24, 32, 45... and probably more. Parts of me are caught up. Parts of me relish all I know now... the calm I have about certain areas of my life, but there are still parts of me that are panicking, thinking, WAIT!!! I'M NOT DONE YET!!! To be honest, in some ways, I haven't even started! But, if you're a female in the world, your shelflife is short... unless you move to the crone section. I'm allergic to dust. I don't want to move there.
Don't get me wrong... I don't need to be 25. I'm glad I'm not 25. I'm glad my children are growing and thriving and don't need me as much, OR... need me in newer, more wonderful ways, but still... 50.
I'm glad my creativity is loving that I'm 50. Although I'm no longer on the hip train of things, I see things and get things like never before, but still... 50.
My eyes are not what they were, my hair is not what it was, oh hell... nothing physical is what it was... and yet I feel like I finally understand things or have perspective on things I never have, but the joke is, it's too late. I've heard it a million times... "Oh! If only I knew what I knew now, but when I was younger!"
Don't get me wrong. It doesn't bother me every day. It has not crippled me, but... there is a large part of me that is wondering how it happened... it's so easy to get lost in the minutiae of a day... and then another... and another, and before you know it, you're looking at those days from the other end and it freaks you out... if only for a moment.
I also know that I'll look back on this in 10, or 20 years, and will laugh. HA! You were ONLY 50!
Grizzled and I celebrated our 20th anniversary last week. While cleaning out a closet, I found a video his father had made of part of our rehearsal, our rehearsal dinner and a snippet of the reception. Somehow, we both had missed this. Somehow, it came into our possession and we had no clue! We watched it the other day, for the first time... watching people who are no longer here, people who were so much vibrant and younger. We looked at ourselves. When I looked at my 20 yr-younger self, all I could think of was, "WHAT WAS YOUR PROBLEM!??! YOU WERE FINE! WHY DID YOU LISTEN TO EVERY ASSHOLE WHO HAD A COMPLAINT?" I'm trying to tell myself that now... so I don't look back in 20 years and think, come on... life was good! You're with people you like and love! Doing more or less things you like and love! So what if your boobs are past their perky date! So what if your ass is huge! So what if you have not achieved all you want to achieve! Thank gawd you haven't! You have years to live! Years to thrive! Shut the fuck up and embrace this!
I know this. Deep down I know this...
But man... there are days when I'd like to take this back to 25... or 35... and try it knowing what I do now. I knew it then. I believe I did. I just listened to too many others, like most of us do.
Maybe I'll get myself some celebratory earplugs. :)
I've always had a good sense of color... able to pick out what makes up a color, able to see where they're off, able to see colors others say should not be there. I ran across this test again, where you have to drop and drag colors in order of their hue. I took the test, with a bright window behind my screen and I still. kicked. ass. Scores ranged from 0 being the best to 1520 being the worst. For women in my age range, I scored a 12. I knew it wasn't perfect, but my eyes were fried and I submitted. Not to mention I have horrible vision and am old.
I'll take a 12!!
I made EL stop reading her physics book (she's reading it for fun, don't ask...) and take the test. I was thinking I stood a chance at beating her... the old gray mare might still be what it used to be. And her score?? 11! Grrrrrr. I'm going to block out the window and take it again...
Shout out question for Herr Doktor Vision... and forgive its simplicity, but... is it merely cones that allow us to perceive color, or does a life's worth of color experience help as well?
This song had to be added after I realized why it was playing in my head after taking the test...