Saying yes...

Life After Death

Five years ago I got one of those calls you just never expect, but most of us will get at some point if we associate with the living. It was my mother... someone was dying. It was my brother's wife. I stood there and could not make sense out of it. Apparently there had been a massive brain bleed... she was brain dead, but they were waiting until all people who needed to be there could be there since she was an organ donor. Aside from the pesky brain bleed, she was healthy.

My sister-in-law dropped dead just months shy of her 50th birthday. My brother went from planning her surprise party to planning a funeral. My brother went from being a happy family man to being a widower with 3 children. He lost the woman he had been in love with since high school (I met her when I was 7). I would have crumbled. He did not. Does this mean he flew through the grief? The loss? No, I'm sure there was plenty of ugly, plenty of anger, and he deserved it. He was allowed to go through it, but go through it he did, he didn't stay.

A couple of months ago I was at his house, it was a rare time where nothing was going on, I wasn't over there for a function, my husband and kids weren't there. A couple of his kids were rambling around, but otherwise, it was just us two. He was sitting on his bed watching a ballgame and I joined him. We half watched, half talked, and I spilled out what a stressful number of weeks I had had along with all of my doubts about mankind while leaning my head on his shoulder. I felt almost selfish, knowing my hard weeks had been nothing like the challenges asked of him, but gracious as always, big brotherly as always, he listened and gave me hugs and said he had been to dark places and that they're just not worth staying in no matter how hard they are to crawl out of. He said he had been in the worst spot and he never wants to be there again, will not allow himself to go there again, no matter how bad things are. He and his business have been hit upside the head by the challenges of the economy and yet he was still remaining upbeat. Not only was he remaining upbeat, but he was bucking me up.

Yes, he was remaining optimistic. We spoke of things we wished for in the future and he said he didn't need to find the end-all love he once sought as a young man, he had already found that... no he just hoped for some companionship. This past week marked the 5th anniversary of his wife's death, I emailed him and said how proud I was of him and how relieved I was that he had miraculously found some footing. He then told me he had met someone and was just enjoying spending time with another person, someone who wasn't looking for all we think we're looking for in our 20's. He said:

Like I told X in regards to the anniversary, because she was aware of the date, I said it is a day to remember, but not one to mourn anymore, because life continues and what has happened will never change, but how we move forward still has value and opportunity, so we are where we are and maybe it's time to start the next chapter and live for those who are left and enjoy them all the more......like friends and family that have carried me all this time, so it's nice to share time with someone who can appreciate these sentiments and not judge or think me crazy........my family already knows I'm a bit TOUCHED!!

My heart sang when I read that. I believe I also told him thank gawd he was touched, to which he responded, "That's right, we're normal, they're all crazy!" :)

I'm not quite sure why I'm posting about this... although I'm pretty much an open book, I do have plenty of stuff I keep private and believe should remain private, whether my own story or someone else's. Also, my brother doesn't read my blog and I'm not quite sure it's fair to post something so private in such a public space, but I guess I'm just really proud of him and amazed at what he's been able to weather. Does that make sense?? I guess it's also a reminder to myself not to linger in bad places even though they're sure to come. Shit will happen. Horrible shit may happen, but we can choose how we react. Why stay in a bad spot if you can think a slightly better thought? Followed by another and another.

The other reason for posting this? We were told that my sister-in-law, through donating her body, most likely helped around 50+ people. 50+.  That's a lot of people. I realize people have their beliefs, but if you're not tightly wrapped to any and have not signed your license...  you might want to. We don't need our bodies once we're gone and someone who is ready to write their next chapter might need something.

Things you think you'll never hear again...

We were enjoying a pleasant late summer evening last night, sitting at an outdoor cafe, having a cocktail and some appetizers, enjoying the company of some of Grizzled's relatives, when I was ambushed by an elderly woman who appeared to be deep in her cups.

I was sitting kind of sideways to the door of the establishment and heard the couple pouring out. The elderly man made a slight ruckus trying to maneuver his rolling walker past the planters and seemed to be in a jovial mood. He was joking about why we had to stay outside, had we not been permitted in?? The wife poured out soon after, speaking much louder than was necessary, the sound of abundant alcohol coming out of her mouth.

It was then that she chose to attack... I was chatting with my in-laws when the next thing I know, I'm in a sort of a headlock, my shoulder-length hair being tugged. The crazy lady had grabbed me from behind, arm around my forehead, pulling my head back, her other hand tugging on my hair. I felt like an animal must feel when slaughter is near. I had no idea what the f**k was going on. Was it someone from my painting class?? Were they getting their revenge?? When looking at the rest of our table, I saw nothing but horror on the faces. I could tell Grizzled felt he should do something, but probably thought it inappropriate to wrestle a sauced, elderly woman to the ground...

It was then that I heard the words I have not heard since I was about 9 and going through my Peter Tork phase... "Are you a male or a female?? You know, it's hard to tell these days!"

I freed my head from her grasp and had what seemed to be a permanent, silent, "Whaaaaa??" pasted on my mouth as my mind reeled off all of the not so subtle clues that I was indeed a female when my loud and direct sister-in-law came to my rescue, blurting out, "Excuse me, can you not see her rack?!?!"

As the couple ambled off, now talking of Jackie Gleason and shouting to us, "And away we gooooo!", I was left kind of dazed and confused about what had just happened. My gender is usually only in question when I'm on the phone, not in person. I was truly perplexed as were those around me. Grizzled said I was talking before the attack and that the woman was probably popped enough and old enough, that it was dark enough, that she was only taking cues from my voice (she was no soprano herself...), not my hair, earrings, purse, ample bosom, hips, make-up, painted toenails, etc, and that once she had wrenched my head back, she confirmed I was indeed a female.

Yeah, ok, ok... I guess I can see that. What I can't see is thinking it's ok to put a total stranger into a headlock and then asking them if they're male or female. Of course she probably won't even remember it today.

We wrapped it up soon after, the evening having taken a turn for night and having foreshadowed the scary drunkenness it could bring. After having said our goodbyes and starting to go our separate ways, I hear my sister-in-law shout, "Hey Jen! Nice man-boobs!!!" 

Maybe I need to start wearing more pink...

tonight... the sun set in the east and fish was wrong!!!

Dr fish has always said, if you google it, it will exist.... Tonight, something came up where I realized I need meat ornaments. Yes, meat. I could see them in my mind's eye... glorious mercury glass steaks, sausage garland, bacon hanging like icicles. I was giddy with excitement. I knew they had to be out there. All I needed to do was GOOGLE!!@!11!

They. Weren't. There.

In defense of fish's google theory, I did find meat ornaments that were made up of those ubiquitous porcelain ovals that have whatever you want placed on the front with a decal. That's NOT WHAT I WANTED!!@! Didn't Google know?!! I could see them!! Where were they!?!

I then realized, maybe I'd found a hole in the ornament market! Could it be there there are no blown glass meat ornaments?? Oh come on! If only I knew how to make mercury glass... Does anyone know anyone who manufacturs mercury glass ornament? Anyone willing to manufacture a nice holiday T-Bone?? Hmmmm??

Also... I'm tired, so my finessing of the google may not be up to snuff. Anyone who locates some glass meat ornaments will get a prize and fish will get an apology.

Wow

About 17 seconds in on this video a man yells, "Kill him!" in response to John McCain talking about Barack Obama. I don't think John McCain wants any harm to come to Obama, but he and Palin are courting the hate. They're encouraging the fear and loathing. Everytime they call Obama a domestic terrorist, they're putting him in harms way. They should be ashamed. Heaven forbid anyone act on this incubated hate.