Saying yes...

This afternoon's dance-a-thon will be dedicated to Donna... RIP

 

 

Parts is Parts...

Stop reading if female parts scare you...

Laura's and fish's posts, as well as political discourse, has brought back memories... memories of being a young, single woman in the city... with a very dismal and unreliable paycheck. I believe I was working freelance jobs along with two part-time jobs... but still, paying for medical care was an issue, so I went to one of the Planned Parenthood-inspired places. It was not officially PP, but was basically the same deal. You paid for what you could, and most prices were reasonable.

Even though we were well into the latter half of the 80's, this place was right out of the 70's. Lots of ferns, lots of paneling, lots of Free to Be... You and Me stuff on the walls. I was fine with FTB...YAM, but did not necessarily want it every time I went for a check-up. It got even worse once I had to go a little more often. You see, you could not get your beloved birth control pills if your blood pressure was too high. I am notorious for having low blood pressure, but when in this place, with all of the questions, all of the doubtful looks, mine would shoot sky-high.

"We'll give you a month's worth of birth control pills, but you  must come back and prove you're BP is ok!"

Before these visits I would chant... think of dolphins, think of dolphins, think of dolphins...

But when they'd come in to check me out and would ask something that merited a smart-ass answer, with me giving it, and them taking me seriously, my BP would shoot sky high. I knew the drill... take the woman, who may or may not be abused, to a dark room... and let her think of dolphins for 10 minutes. Test again.

Most of the time I could chill, and the Rx was mine.

There was one time though that 3 women came into the room and suggested it was time to get to know my body.

Huh?? I was in my 20's! I knew my body?? What do you mean?? Know my body??

They produced a plastic speculum and a mirror... I kid you not. I scanned the ferns for hidden cameras...

They told me no women truly owns herself until she can examine herself... see the beauty of her cervix. I told them I was fine with a hidden cervix. My cervix was doing what it needed to do and I also trusted the professionals who checked it out...

They took this 'no' as an issue. I was like, "No, you don't get it... I was raised by a very down to earth mother who was nurse and called a spade a spade. Sure, my father might have been a little squeamish about the workings of daughterly parts, but Mom was fully on board with open discussion. I don't have issues... in fact, I'd like to use my parts with the man I love, the man who doesn't beat me, the man who accepts me as I am... while I myself am accepting me as I am... OK?? Take the Pap test and let me be on my way!"

But they insisted... which I felt was incredibly wrong, but hey... I was at peace with my parts, and as I mentioned, wanted to freely use my parts, so I did it. Woo-hoo! Look at my cervix! Woo-hoo! Yay! It looks like... a cervix... Can I go now???

They tried to give me a speculum to take home, but I think I shocked them when I said I preferred the flesh variety. Fortunately, soon after, I got insurance and was able to go to a Dr, who never once suggested I get in touch with my cervix... a Dr who seemed to understand that I was hip to my stuff... but relied on a professional to look up under my chassis.

(Heh... when I go to add a link to type up above, TypePad says, "Insert Link"... See?? These are the kind of thoughts that got me into trouble at the Women's place!)

A whiff of past freedom...

Our weather has been so bizarre, I have no idea what month it is. My logical brain responds to what the calendar says... my reflexive brain responds to external cues. Daffodils are done, it must be May. Grass needs to be cut twice a week, it must be June. My senses are telling me it could be any day in a 3 month period, but the other night... after a day of extreme warmth, I smelled summer. I was bringing the dogs in when my nose picked up the smell of sweet, warm plants, warm asphalt... warm, warm, warm... It felt like it was July and I should be 16... and then it dawned on me... it's early April and I am not 16, but EL will be in a matter of days. I once again understood my father pondering how could he have a 40 yr-old child when he was only 40?? Only 40... Heh...

We seem to be back in April today, and work beckons... Onward!

 

I think fish doth protest too much...

He claims to detest My Little Ponies, but then I happen upon this... a photo of fish in fully ponycorn regalia...

                                               

Photo borrowed from: http://poorlydressed.failblog.org/

Summer Blogging in One Post!

Garden. Garden. Flower. Butterfly. Fucking rain! Dog. Dog. Dog. Lake. Grizzled. Garden. Lamblet. Lamblet. Lamblet. Driver's Ed. AHHHHHHH! Lamblet. Hot! Too chilly! Wet! Where's the rain?!?! FUN!!! Woo-HOO!! Grrrr! WTF?? Still can't access any of ZRM's many blogs... 3B's! What contest?! Garden. Garden. Painting. Painting. Grrrr. Life is good. WTF??? Dick joke. Dick joke. Thought-provoking post. Dick joke. Garden. Animules. Painting! Grrrr... painting!!@!1 FRUSTRATION! In the zone. Fireflies!! Ah, summer smell. Butterflies! Orbs!!! Orbflies!! Thundra. Von. LOL! Garden. Dogs. Frustration. Satisfaction. Good. Bad. Love everyone. Hate everyone. Weeds. WEEDS! BG!! Lake. Reading. Thinking. Anniversary. Snag. Birthday. Cicadas. School? Already?

We interrupt our previous interruption...

I could hear my neighbor working in her yard today, singing along with the radio... and what did I hear as I approached? "Gimme summer lovin'..." I could not stifle all chuckling. I tried. She asked what I was laughing at when I replied, "Were you singing "Gimme summer lovin'??"

Well yes, yes she was. I was informed it was a classic. I said I was familiar with the song, but was pretty sure it was "some" lovin', not just summer lovin'... because, you know, lovin' is good year 'round.

She thought about it, but said she was pretty sure it was summer... I asked what the difference was?? Did she mean a short romance that only lasts the summer?? Or was summer lovin' "hotter"?? She paused... and pondered, and said she wasn't sure... It was at that moment that a bad, bad poem, from an inappropriate, former co-worker popped into my head and I had to leave before doing anymore damage to neighborly relations:

When the weather is hot and sticky

That's not the time to dunk your dickie.

But when the frost is on the pumpkin,

That's the time for dickie-dunkin'.

God, I can't believe I even remember that... but then I remember so MANY things he said to clients because he was so inappropriate!!!

Also... a shout out to Steve Winwood... my neighbor would like you to know... YOU'RE SINGING IT WRONG!!!

Observations

1) Increased daylight

2) Actual sunshine

3) Melting snow

4) Above average feelings of optimism

5) Song in my head this morning:

Laser Orbs

Thundra- apparently the orb gods were not happy with me trying to take a photo of one of our pooches. Next thing I knew, I saw orbs... orbs with lasers shooing out of them. The camera could not focus. A coincidence? I think not. I'm lucky the camera did not blow up.

August...

... came in like a dog's mouth... going out like a fire-breathing dragon's mouth...