Testing, testing... is this thing on?? I used to be able to operate this blog in my sleep, and did, for years.
So, as a favor to Thundra, who did me a favor, I am putting up a post. You see, Thundra actually helped me... identify a speedra.
We've had a large speedra living in our porch light for at least the past month. YL kept commenting on how fast it was and how LARGE it was. Whenever I looked up, I only saw insect remnants and a spider that looked no larger than a nickel, which to me, is big, but not terrifying, at least from that distance. I pointed it out one evening, pretty sure she'd say yes, that was it. When I did, she said, "Oh no, Mom. That's nothing, this spider is BIG! And FAST!" I hated that spider... but it was outside, so I resisted the urge to give the lamp a Silkwood shower and left it alone.
I'd look though... whenever I passed by... not sure if I wanted to see it or not. I looked, mainly to see if I could see it right before it attacked me. I'd look when I got out of the car. I looked when I walked by. I looked, especially when unlocking the front door. One day, when YL and I were returning home, I was unlocking the door, but was not looking at the lock. Instead, I was looking off to the right, at the light. Was the speedra going to attack when my hands were full?? This was when I felt the knob turn in my heads and I uttered a gutteral, "Uhhhhhhh, oh my GOD!" I heard EL on the other side of the door, laughing. "You thought I was the spider, didn't you??" Yes, yes, I did. Somehow it made sense. The evil speedra had gotten inside and was waiting to welcome me home... to my death.
One night, last week, I finally saw the legs. Holy mother of gawd... I did not want to see what was attached to those legs. I knew it was outside, and it was doing the good that spiders do, but still, it's getting colder. I did not want that spider deciding to let itself in. I thought again of hosing it out, but nature beat me to it. Ah yes, late yesterday afternoon, we had a powerful storm where it rained sideways. I didn't give the lamp much thought, but was more concerned about the doorframe I had just painted. After the storm passed, Grizzled went out to check on something and realized YL had left an umbrella on the porch. He opened it to let it dry out when he saw something on it...
The rain had come down (or sideways) and washed the spider out... onto the umbrella... Grizzled shook it off away from the house, but I wanted to be sure it would not be stalking us... me... I emailed Thundra... asking for help. Heh.
At first Thundra thought it might be a wolf speedra (I was afraid of that), but after me mentioning that although it prefered to hide behind the portion of the lamp attached to the house, there was a web. Wolf Speedras don't do webs, m'ok? Thundra then figured out it was a grass speedra... a grass speedra which is more afraid of humans than this human is afraid of it.
These spiders are docile and non-aggressive. They will flee at the first
sign of a threat and will not bite unless they feel threatened without
an option to escape. (e.g. - Trying to pick the spider up).
Thundra suspected I would not be trying to pick it up. He was, and is, correct.
Reading further, I read that this one was most likely a female as they tend to stay on the web... males on the other hand "...spend most of their adult life wandering in search of a mate. Shortly after mating, the male often dies."
Heh! Sucks to suck!
And speaking of speedras in search of luv... I'm really glad I don't live in CA right now!
they'd be better if they were encased in a hard candy shell... or,
served between two slabs o' shicken (it's how the boy, whom I babysat
for long ago, said it. "I want shicken and sheese!") Maybe if it was
Gummi Pork Rectum. Rectum??? Damn near killed 'em! I digress... All I
know is, my lamblets owe Uncle Pinko (a stranger who buys them candy) a
DoD... in the meantime... discuss!
Woke up... fell back asleep... had a bizarre dream about being on vacation, but had to switch hotel rooms because our one room was possessed. We left so fast, I left my bag and a $900 in cash... I wanted to go back in to get it, but the door would not open more than 3 inches, and when I even got it that far, all I saw was pitch black darkness, and heard something growl. I stopped at the hotel chapel... the priest suggested I have friends go in to retrieve the money, but I was not supposed to.
Next... in our new room, I am attacked by spiders and dragonflies, but realize they are wooden, robotic creatures that are also tiny Christmas ornaments, and when I take a closer look, see there is printing on their sides that says "Thank you for visiting!" and gives the name of the hotel...
Grizzled's response to this dream?
"You're a strange woman... and you're obviously afraid of money! GO GET THE MONEY!"
Playing all during the dream?? And stuck in my head all morning??
We stayed in a number of different places while on the road. Some were chosen in advance... some were merely chosen by where we wanted to go that day or when we wanted to stop. One thing did not change... when we got there, Grizzled let me decide which side of the bed I was sleeping on.
Grizzled and I have been sharing beds for over 2 decades now. He said he used to think I always chose the same side, no matter the room, but he soon learned that was wrong. He then said he thought it was the side farthest away from the door, but that wasn't right either. He then realized it was safest to just let me pick... my picking being done the minute I walk in. I sense the side I want and plop my stuff down. I have been known to switch sides during a visit though if the room doesn't feel right, even though I know switching sides won't necessarily help. Sometimes the bed is just off.
We stayed in one of these rooms while on the road. It did not feel good to me and neither did the bed. I woke up in the middle of the night, certain something was in front of me. I could feel it. If I opened my eyes, I'd see it and I didn't want to. I also knew I had a chair next to my side of the bed and had put a bunch of my stuff in it so that was probably it. I opened my eyes and sure enough, saw a large, dark mass. I reached out, felt one of my bags and then something else that didn't feel familiar. I jumped and made some panicked noise. I snatched my hand back in as fast as I could, pulled up the covers even though it was hot, and inched over to Grizzled's side... slowly enough that he wouldn't realize he only had 5 inches on which to sleep... and then I waited... it was a long night.
I'm not afraid of a lot, but my senses/imagination can have their way with me in the dark. Maybe it was too many horror movies as a kid... one too many scary novels, or camping out with friends and trying to scare the bejesus out of each other... or my brothers, who liked to torment like only brothers can... I like to be scared, but when I choose. I don't like to be afraid at night, which is why I'm glad I don't have to sleep alone... even when I was alone, I still had a dog.
I remember when I was much younger and my grandmother was still alive and living by herself, I would ask her if she was afraid at night, wasn't she tempted to sleep with a light on... somewhere?? (She had a creepy basement with dirt walls... and a scary attic... those two places would immediately pop into my mind if I was staying overnight at her otherwise wonderful house....) She said she grew up with no electricity so darkness did not bother her. She also had the Lord to look over her... Well, Grandma's Lord gave me a wicked imagination that likes to mess with me... so again, I am glad I don't have to sleep alone. I am also glad I have someone who can sleep anywhere... and doesn't mind that I need to pick my side of the bed... or who doesn't mind when I leave him only 5 inches to sleep on because I am sure that something out of Grandma's basement is sitting next to my side.
The sinister wooly bison still haunts me... and it was in our hotel room that night... I know it.
This showed up in my mailbox (clarification: my email inbox... not my real mailbox, although that thought makes some of the guesses even funnier.) in the wee hours of the morning...first person who correctly guesses who sent it, wins a prize.
I'm glad we've only sent fish to the freezer. I don't think I want to see frozen Zombies. I'm guessing if Blue Girl was sent to the freezer, she's be even bluer, and we don't need to see that.
I don't know about thunder. Can you freeze thunder?? I know you can't catch the wind, but... can you freeze thunder.