Saying yes...

What is this?!?!

I woke up late this morning. It's been really busy lately and last night I gave up the ghost and crashed. When I woke up I was kind of confused, not really sure what day it was, not sure if I needed to get up and then... then I realized there was this odd sensation on my face. Come to think of it, there was this odd presence in the room. Even my hair took notice. What was this??? Was I sick? Did I have a fever? I felt almost sweaty and my hair felt about 3 times bigger than it has for the past few month. I also noticed that I did not feel like someone had shoved cornflakes up my nostrils while I slept.

Aha! It's moisture! It's the return of humidity! It rained ALL day yesterday. It rained overnight. It was still raining a bit this morning. On top of it, it was 55 blessed degrees when I got up. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, looked in the mirror and saw a face that was not feverish, but a face that had been reunited with humidity.

I know I'll be cursing this humidity in a matter of months. I'll be cursing it as my hair starts wrapping like a vine around the nearest support. I'll be cursing it when there is no point to drying off once getting out of the shower. I'll be cursing it when it feels as if we're living in a dog's mouth, but for now... yes, for now, it feels wonderful.

My atmosphere has been rehydrated and all is right with the world.

And the Drama Cloud Passes...

It's been a funky few weeks lately. I've not been in sync with the life around me on any number of levels and I've probably taken responsibility for too much or have taken too much personally.

I'm not the only one, others seem to be coming out of a funk, rising out of a dismal haze. Maybe it's just the lengthening of the days. Maybe it's just focusing on what's important and not sweating the small, petty stuff. Maybe it's just realizing that this too shall pass so you better hunker down and enjoy the good as well, because it's not guaranteed either.

Things feel good right now. I was getting there, but the warmth outside, the emerging daffodils and the commonsense words of friends made it all the more clear and for that, I am grateful.

Have a good weekend everyone... and now, a song I've put up before, but it needs to be played again.

Certain things just shouldn't be dissected

Grizzled, the lamblets and I went to see the Homer/Hopper exhibit yesterday. I have been waiting for this for almost a year. While I respect and love Homer, Hopper was the part of the duo that had me all in a tizzy. I was going to see Hopper upon Hopper upon Hopper all in one small area.

The exhibit started off with Homer. I knew it would. Homer was going to be the vegetable you needed to eat before you got to the dessert. Homer's portion of the exhibit consisted mainly of watercolors. They were fabulous, they were breathtaking, there were many. I really tried to give them my full focus, but was fully conscious of the Hopper carrot that was dangling at the end of the stick. I wanted that carrot. Still, the Homer exhibit was enlightening. I knew some about Homer, but there was still plenty left to glean. There were some oils interspersed with the watercolors and seeing The Herring Net is always a treat. I tried to keep my mind where I was, tried to not get ahead of myself and take it all in... but still... a bounty of Hoppers was a mere room away.

In between the Homer and Hopper exhibits was a vestibule where you could take a break and cleanse your visual palate so to speak. The lamblets wanted to sit on the benches for a bit. Grizzled wanted to check in with work. He had taken the day off, but it was a crazed day and his office was slightly understaffed. I didn't want to wait... I could see the self-portraits of Hopper peaking out through the entryway, but I paced. I looked at the large blow-ups of Hopper and his studio and I waited.

After what seemed like an eternity, I couldn't stand it anymore. I said they could catch up with me, but damn it, I was going in! The entry was filled with many Hopper watercolors, but by the time I hit the first oil done in classic Hopper colors, I was a goner. I did not read anything, having read most of this before. I rarely looked at the titles, having known those too. I merely stood before them and took them in.

I am one of those people who loves Hopper. I know he is far from the best, I know many consider him trite, but there is something in his work that for me, transcends all of that and here I was, standing in the middle of room after room of works I had only seen before on the printed page. Nothing can top seeing an oil painting in person and then to see so many of them. I was speechless. I did not want to talk. I did not want to dissect. I did not care about the method. I just wanted to soak them in. It was an unending display of famous Hopper after famous Hopper... when walking into one room that held 4 of my favorites right next to each other, I gasped. Grizzled asked me what was up and I said I felt like I was watching the finale of a fireworks show, one huge display followed by another followed by another. It was heaven and my insides were singing. I could have stayed there all day. Ideally, I would have been able to stay all night as well with no other people milling about. Frankly, I was surprised there was so much milling. I felt frozen on the outside while my insides were buzzing. It was that beautiful and elusive combo of feeling completely still while also feeling incredibly alive and alert... but I really don't want to dissect it. I just want it to be what it is and what it is, is fabulous.

If anyone is a Hopper fan, I highly suggest seeing trying to see this exhibit as it tours.

There's a light at the end of this viral tunnel...

This morning is the first morning since 3/14 where I have woken up and actually felt like health might be my co-pilot. It's been an up and down route for the past 10 or so days. Some days were a total loss, some days gave the illusion of wellness being around the corner. But today... today I feel like I might actually have oxygen circulating in my brain again and although I'm far from being springy, I don't feel quite as much like death on a soda cracker.

One should never underestimate the benefits of oxygen and health for clear thinking. Oh sure, I may have thought I was constructing normal sentences over the past week or so, but looking back with a newly clear mind, I realize the light may have been on, but no one was home.

I'm guilty of poor thinking when distracted, tired, or sick. Grizzled has been a witness to many mind-boggling comments to come out of my mouth when in these situations. They kind of scare him since he believes he married a capable, thinking person.

This past week only added to my cache of "Oh no... did I say that out loud?!?" comments and while they made perfect sense to me at the time, I know they'll be used to tease me for some time to come.

These thoughts rank right up there with the dreaded time I asked aloud in the car which gas station had a shell for a logo. Hey, I was distracted... and tired...

This week, topping the list of insane comments caused by the viral plague are, me telling Grizzled not to throw out the Sunday paper (I was in bed for most of Sunday ) because Easter fell on a Sunday this year and I wanted to see what was in it!

The other topper of the week would have been when I was slumped on the couch, trying to watch something with Grizzled, when an ad for Two and a Half Men came on with a very busty woman and a leering Charlie Sheen and I said something to the effect of, "I wonder if men liked breasts before advertising became so overt or if advertising caused it... I mean, I wonder it there was any interest in them before boobs were put in our faces!?!"

Grizzled calmly responded... "Oh no... men have never been interested in breasts in their faces before advertising told them to be. For centuries, men haven't cared the least about breasts... only recently...".

I'm feeling better though and think I can actually think. If any nonsensical comments were left at any of your places over the past 10 days, I was not myself... I do believe though that logic and oxygen have returned.

ATPCT: make-up edition

Yes, I know I said I was pulling the blinds on the blog for awhile. I'm still up to my neck in work that needs my whole focus, but I couldn't let the day go by without briefly touching on one of those nice surprises that you don't fully expect.

I had painting class again today. It was a make-up from a couple of weeks ago when my youngest lamblet was oh so sick. I was not looking forward to it. I had just gone yesterday and had had my usual struggles with those who say they want to be taught and yet show every sign they don't want to be taught unless you stop teaching... No, I was not looking forward to today, especially since it's really nice out and the snow and ice are melting and the sky was clear, but I went.

It was going to be a small class. Most people had previous commitments or just didn't like the thought of the schedule being changed. That's ok,  I thought. I'll take a small class. I'm not up for more and I was grateful when only 3 out of the possible 4 showed up.

The women ranged in age from late 60's to early 80's and also ranged in abilities. One had been painting longer than I have been alive and one only started this year. They all told me to just sit down and to not set up anything that they would work on their own stuff. So I sat and we talked. We talked and we listened and we opened up.

It was nice to hear their stories and for us to compare where we were at life-wise, etc. One of the women is turning 81 and is going into Senior Living center on Monday. Another woman is 72 and I would swear is no more than 58. She’s confident and adventurous. She does so many things and goes so many places and just seems very young for her age. I also love that she can ask for help and not mind being helped. The last woman, the one just starting painting, is in her late 60’s, she sounds like she's had kind of an odd and hard life, but she is so funny and is just full of insights. She was an accountant before she retired, but when I listen to her, I hear the heart of an artist. She sees things that only an artist can see.

It was a nice class. They worked on various painting projects, but mainly we just talked and even better, people listened. Today there was no one-upping, no passive aggressive tendencies, just a sharing of creativity and stories.

Today people painted, people talked and people listened. 

... and the blinds go back down...

All hail Queen Claire!!!

Well, we've finally been allowed to release the results. AG finally posted. Why was AG doing the final posting? I don't know, but she did, so instead of reinventing the wheel, I'll just link to her post here for all of the nitty gritty.

The main thing is... Claire is the new Cookie Queen!!! Have I ever said how much my lamblets love Claire??? Not that that figured into the judging. Claire just had some awesome cookies.

First runner-up is... Team Chicago!!!
Second runners-up will be shared by... Billy Pilgrim/Zelmo AND Pinko Punko and Geenie Cola!

As I said, all of the down and dirty details are over at RoD. Go take a read. I'd post them here, but frankly, I'm pooped. :)
 

Bake-Off Winners to be Announced at RoD!!!

Yes! It's the day we've all been waiting for... the tallying is complete! Word is the results will be posted today over at The Republic of Dogs (that is if AG's computer gods are smiling on her C-drive).

However, announcements aside, I thought it would be a nice time to recap all of the wonderful entries we received and judged this past holiday season. Listed below are all of the previous posts in the reverse order they were received (at least by us). :) I'd put them in the opposite order, but am short on time.

9) Kathleen
8) Billy Pilgrim/Zelmo
7) Mendacious D
6) Pinkp Punko/Geenie Cola
5) Snag/Snag, Jr.
4) Brando/TLB
3) Team Chicago
2) Claire
1) Mandos

Everyone sent something awesome. Everyone sent something different. It was wonderful to be on the receiving end and although my thighs will regret it for months to come, the rest of me is incredibly appreciative that we got to be a part of this. 

The past month or so was hectic in any number of ways, some serious, some not so serious and yet every day or so, a *real*package from an *invisible* blogger would show up on our doorstep or at Grizzled's office. It made me feel like I was 7 again when my father's international business colleagues would send strange and wondrous things to our home. It definitely put a smile on my face and a smack on my lips.

Thank you to everyone who contributed. Thank you to everyone who baked and mailed during an insanely busy time. Thank you as well to all of those who just came out to play even if it was just in the form of silly comments. I can now put my Cookie Queen Crown to rest and start packing up Corn Man.

For the results, I now turn you in the direction of one of my esteemed judging colleagues. AG will hopefully work out a deal with the computer gods and will post later today.

Woo-hoo!!!

Grizzled Speaks, etc...

I will be in downtown Chicago today. "Seeing the sites?", you ask. Taking in familiar haunts? Well, yes and no. I will be at the lovely Daley Plaza or whatever it's called now, but I will not be visiting with old friends, or taking in the view. I will be deep in the bowels of the building doing my civic duty. Yep, that's right, it's time for jury duty.

To be perfectly honest, a day of reading, even if waiting to be called for a jury,  sounds rather enticing, and even though I won't be out and about at some of my favorite spots, I will be back in the city I love. I might even be able to have lunch with Grizzled.

And speaking of Grizzled...

Grizzled often refers to himself as the Maris Crane of this blog. Although he listens to me go on and on about it, he generally stays out of it. He feels it's my deal. It's not that he's not interested, it's not that he doesn't have anything to say, he just feels it's my deal. That is why I was a little surprised last week when he handed me a piece of paper and asked if I would post it. I expected to find one of his long political rants or a brief history of salt or nails, but no, instead it was this:

I need to put on my serious, albeit short, pants here. For all of the bravado and trash talk, I have found this Holiday, Yeah I Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, Whattya Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off to be an interesting experience that is inclining me to wax philosophic. I am solidly in the camp of those about whom Bill O'Reilly speaks, the secularists who are apparently conspiring to??? destroy Christianity??? advocate bestiality??? destroy the high morality of our youth??? plunge the world into darkness and otherwise cause all other heinous acts of this world??? I don't really know what his message is, but I tend to dismiss most if not all of it as nonsense.

The Roman Catholics beat most of the spirituality out of me at an early age. The closest I can come to believing given what I have observed is that if there is a god, he is imperfect and, at best, apathetic about the human race. If you start from there, the rest seems to follow pretty well. Again, it's what I believe and does not reflect or diminish in any way what you believe or even what Bill believes. So, in my reality, we only have each other as we hurtle through space.

To that point, I am heartened to see that people of whom I have an only tangential knowledge are willing to spend their time and effort to bake for me. The fact that people so removed from my existence are sending me good wishes is a hopeful thing. Although he's no Geddy Lee, I think Elvis Costello summed it up nicely with, "What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding". Thank you all for letting me play in your game and best wishes to you all for a fulfilling and prosperous New Year.

A random holiday thought

There is that odd moment at a family gathering, whether your own or your spouse’s, when a person stands out as the unique person they are and you remember once again why you are with them.

I think no matter how much we love or get along with our family of origin, every person, on some level, at some point, feels as though they are the odd man out, the weirdo, the swan in a passel of ducks. It is often those very traits, that attract a mate.

While sitting at a large dinner table with many of Grizzled’s family members, I watched the majority of them in pack-mode, thinking their group thoughts, continuing their family patterns. One person stood out, one person made me smile, made me laugh, one person I understood. It was Grizzled. He was busy being himself, no one else was noticing, no one was reveling in his Grizzledness, but I was. We smiled at each other and I remembered again why I married the person.

No matter how well our families of origin understand us, there are still those many times when you feel you do not fit. I was his connection at this table of *strangers*, his validation, and he’s been my connection and validation at mine.

Flourish, dammit!

I know a number of us are going to be swept up in various holiday activities and blogs will not be first and foremost on our minds. I'd like to take a brief moment to interrupt the bake-off season with a wish for everyone.

I was having a conversation with one of my sisters the other day. Both of my sisters are two of my mother tigers, people I can go to when I'm uncertain, unsteady, adrift. I was explaining my angst de jour and we were discussing the best paths to our various desires when she reminded me about a path I often neglect, a path I so often forget to take. She abruptly ended a paragraph with, "Flourish, dammit!" And she was right.

It is so easy to get caught up in the should I/shouldn't I's, so easy to worry if this is the right choice or if that is the right choice. It is so easy to get tangled in the weeds of thought when the answer should be very easy. Just flourish. Allow yourself to flourish. If you treat yourself kindly and allow yourself to grow, you will be a benefit to others.

I think in this day and age, succeeding is thought of as a zero sum game. CEO's must make obscene amounts of money while the actual workers make less than ever. Neighbors must struggle against each other to have the best, the latest, the shiniest. I must do better, if someone else has more, then I am not succeeding. Succeeding at all costs is not necessarily flourishing. The dictionary defines flourishing as the following:

1. To grow well or luxuriantly; thrive
2. To do or fare well; prosper
3.To be in a period of highest productivity, excellence, or influence

I still believe that in rising to our best, we are able to bring out the best in others, we allow the best in others. It is when we flourish that we are content and are able to help others. There is no scarcity mentality. We are flourishing, we are being what we are supposed to be. We have all we truly need and can pass it on.

One can flourish in many ways. We can flourish by allowing ourselves to get enough sleep. We can flourish by honoring those random gifts that were bestowed on our person long before we were born. We can flourish merely by choosing to be nice. If we flourish, we honor all that is good in us and don't react with fear or hate.

I hope that this next year is a wonderful year for everyone. May you be at your best and may you bring out the best in those around you.

May you all flourish.