I've been working on a painting lately... one for myself, so no pressure. It was a subject I had wanted to tackle for a while and could feel it down to my toes, I was certain this would paint itself. That feeling usually meant a sure thing, a smooth ride, a joyous event. The only problem is... IT SUCKS! I'm not even that bummed that it sucks because it's just too funny. I'm sucking in all areas that are my strong suit. I've spent 5 days trying to get it right, but it still sucks... looks like someone who doesn't have a clue has started it and will probably finish it.
I know so much of painting is often adjusting and readjusting. Like a pilot, so often you're off course, correcting your course, but this is insane. It's like I want to go West, and keep heading every which way but.
I'm not stopping though. You can't suck this much and not be around the corner from something good, especially when you really wanted to tackle it in the first place. Maybe I'm purging a month's worth of suckiness on one piece. I'm also wondering if something in my style is changing, on its own, not a purposeful direction, but rather an organic shifting... kind of like when you get up one day and your signature looks different, reflecting the fact that you're no longer the person you were for the past year or ten.
I've been expressing my conundrum to Grizzled who finally took a look the other day. I didn't even get the Explaining Voice. I merely got a subtle "ha" and then he left. Wow. It's kind of funny... Grizzled is left speechless... and probably a little afraid.