ATPCT: Sometimes you just show up

I had to go to painting class yesterday. I did not want to go. I really haven't wanted to go for awhile... not totally sure why, but yesterday I had to go. I had taken the previous week off due to illness and I knew that had probably thrown my group into a tizzy. As a matter of fact, I knew it did when I started receiving calls 30 minutes before class was to start as to why I wasn't there. Cancellation calls had been made, a sign had been put up, but that didn't matter. There's a routine and I was messing with it so yesterday, come hell or high water, I had to go.

I had absolutely nothing planned. I still have not found my groove in that respect. There are those who just want to use it as studio time and I am fine with that, but there are a number of others who want an exercise, a demonstration... there are those who are hoping I will tell them how to do what they have not been able to figure out for the past 50+ years. I hope and pray every week that I'll find the magic answer, but I know there isn't one.

I was searching for the magic answer yesterday, wondering what to do since we had gotten off of the schedule and I knew people would not be coming in prepared. I spouted this out to my sister who suggested I just show up and let them know that sometimes showing up is the best you can do. At least if you show up, something can and might happen. It may not be what you expected, but at least the chance is there, so... I showed up.

It was a smaller class yesterday which was nice. The class is too big for anything truly meaningful to happen. Sometimes I think the class is too set in its way for any meaningful thing to happen. I'm not even sure why I feel I am supposed to make something meaningful happen. It's not in the course description. "Explore the world of oil painting! Work with shadows and light! During every class, something meaningful will happen. For an additional $25, you'll get twice as much meaning out of every class!!" And yet I feel the onus of creating meaningfulness. Maybe I just want it for myself.

Yesterday's class wasn't all struggle. I had some good discussions, we had some good laughs. One of the people is moving into an assisted living situation. She doesn't want to, but her children don't want her living alone any longer. The other students keep telling her how she'll love it, how she'll probably meet a lot of men. She said she's done with men. Men to her just make her think of stinky socks. I told her she'd probably find even more men since she wasn't looking. I suggested we start a pool to see who could come the closest to picking the date she met someone and their age. She said although she's not looking, she'd prefer younger.

Yesterday's class was OK. It was neither good nor bad. I doubt anything miraculous happened. No... yesterday, I just showed up.

Comments

[blue girl]

Well, you know what Woody Allen says:

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland,

Wait. What? That's not it. Ah, here it is:

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

"And yet I feel the onus of creating meaningfulness. Maybe I just want it for myself."

Creating it for yourself. Maybe that's the other 20%!

:)

[almostinfamous]

i 'showed up' today as well.

as a result i got a little chewing out from prof. about responsibilities, blah blah blah... and finished a bleh assignment.

no miracles here either, i am afraid...

[Snag]

You know, starting a dating pool for a woman moving into an assisted living arrangement, getting her to laugh a little about it with her friends, I'd say there's meaning in that.

[Kathleen M.]

How could YOU showing up NOT be meaningful, Jennifer? We can't judge ourselves in the moment. Or I can't judge myself, except possibly in hindsight.
Since I'm not a teacher, I don't experience frustrations and disappointments in students.
Yet, so often, and sometimes dramatically, what I or someone in my family experienced as an ordinary lesson, all part of our boring routine, became years later a turning point, a distinct moment we recall as the beginning of something new and amazing. Some of that dry lesson penetrated--finally--went into hibernation, and long after we could thank the teacher (and in some cases after we'd forgotten her name) blossomed. And even if the beautiful flowering lasted a second, it was still one we would never have known otherwise.

[karla]

Okay - sorry to interject with the cancer point of view, but, from this vantage showing up IS a miracle.

Johnny One Note

[mdhatter]

Snag, you're such a softie.

[fish]

Hooray! Another episode of ATPCT!

I do think there are competing wants going on here. Your wants and their wants. It is only natural. You should take some uplift from the fact that your absence was sorely felt (without letting the negative images of inflexible old people discolor the sensation). The fact that you are struggling to find meaning for you and for them is a sign that you are doing your job as a teacher.

And a dating pool is a bit more life affirming than a dead pool...

[Jennifer]

And a dating pool is a bit more life affirming than a dead pool...

OUCH!

[Brando]

You definitely are making a difference. Your level of desire to do so doesn't eliminate that.

And think about this: you could have been doing something really meaningless like posting multiple videos of singing penises on your blog.

[fish]

Whose your Dada?

[Jennifer]

LOL, Brando!

No art puns allowed, fish.

[Dan Leo]

Sister Karla hit the nail on the head.

What's that line from the Pacino Scarface?

"Every day above ground is a good day, Tony."

[Mary Jane]

I got word today that My favorite teacher of all time died suddenly after knee suregery... 53 yrs. old... So I am totally feeling your sisters wisdom... and applaud you on the Valiant effort, I know it would make my day if you showed up without a plan...xoxox

[fish]

Not even a little credit?

[Snag]

fish, your request is absurdist. Try a little abstract reasoning next time, if you get my point.

[daveminnj]

indeed. at some point, you've got to
draw a line.

[fish]

Snag, what is your pointillist? I am under the impressionism that your so call "abstract reasoning" is actually rather baroque. While your mannerism pretends to be minimalist, the pluralism inherent in your statement, fails to have any constructivism, but rather leaves me stuckism in a sense of surrealism.

[Jennifer]

daveminnj and fish must be banned.

[billy pilgrim]

Indeed, they treat the comment thread like a dali. You must escher them out of here.

[Kathleen]

Fish: thinks he's funny, but he's really sfumato.